I have

been home alll damn week!! This is not how i want to spend my winter break. Uhggg. Christmas this is year doesn't even feel like christmas. The more we grow older our spirits dim down. I find it funny, cause i would be helllla excited for things like this. Or like be hella excited when we go to places like Great American for example. Now it's just whatever. I realize that because i went through it before it doesn't or shouldn't matter anymore because i've already experienced it, but that would mean that i'm just taking advantage of what i have+the things around me. Acting like i don't care when i really do. It's cool tho. Christmas night was my favorite tho' HAH! And you will never know why. Probably jessica only tho' cause yeah :)) Anywho!



Today my mom has a day off..and she woke me up b/c her friend invited us out to lunch. So i had to get up shower and get ready. My mom phone checks her phone and she has 3 missed calls+a voicemail from her work...turns out she has to work today. 4 manicures i guess. But it's alright, i mean if she has to go work..work. I understand. Shopping can wait, but i did get irritated because of all the process and what not. But it's whatveaaa, it just means i don't have to get ready later on we can just leave. So yup, i'm bored. I'm addicted to texting at this point, i just love it! Ever since i texted like 4532532 people Merry Christmas @ 12am, just recieving them back made me happy. ++Once i went to sleep which was around 2am, at 3 something i got a text and from then on till 10am i've been getting calls+texts on and off. That was one of the worst sleeps eva' Hah, but it's fine, i love the texts and calls. Juuust, when i'm helllla tired i don't. So again i'm bored, text me if you will! =))

Still

too lazy to give descriptions about my days...







sunday-darions house
monday-home
tuesday-home//friends over<3333
wednesday-HOME AGAIN//church with jessica do +her mama.

Yesterday&today

i'm too lazy to type, haha! so i'll vent some other day cause i won't forget it.





+but just in case.
yesterday was a short day//chilled//in-n-out//my house//burgerking//christmas in the park.
today-home//allen and ayush//picked up minh//burgerking//my house//more people came over!//doubleAchrisbreeezy!

Another

great day! The days just keeping better and better!! =) So school was fa-reeeezing cold!! But it was also sunny at the same time so it was alright. Classes were pretty easy cept for 6th cause we have an essay due, EWW. And i skipped 5th period AGAIN. Always always that class, but only because Mary-anne, daniel, amanda and i went to Chipotle during lunch and decided to cut 5th period on the way back to school so we went to Casrto's class. We didn't know if the whole 'free food' at chipotle was real or not cause we heared it was only for teachers. But we got there and josiah was there also and we asked him and he said yaawwp. So we got all excited and went inside and got our food. Once we got there, there were a lot of seniors that came. I guess you can say we were the only juniors that went during lunch :)) So that was that and the food was soo good! I didn't finish mines, just 3/4 of it, but maryanne and daniel finished theirs hella fast! Manda also finished 3/4 and threw away the rest. Hell to the no for me! I saved mines. Pumped gas for maryanne and then we drove back to school. Once we parked and everything we got out and started walking..we saw castro and cummins. We were all about to get a tardy pass and go back to class, but then we just thought naaah whatever who cares. So we chilled in castro's class. YAY =) He ALSO got chipotle cause we saw them there, ahaha! how funny is that. So yeah i finished my steak burritttoo<33 MMMMM! And maryanne and manda were playing around with castro's imac. Daniel was doing hw or something iono. While finishing my food, i got a random number that was calling me. Turned out to be my dad!!<333 Thank god i cut tho cause if i didn't i probably wouldn't have be abled to talk to my papa. He called asking how i was doing and my brother also. I guess he called my brother but my brother had p.e. so he couldn't pick up his phone. Talked to my dad for a bit and i teared up, cause i really miss him. He called 3 times tho :) I was like wtf, cause the 1st one was just a how are you doing call, 2nd was him telling me to remind my mom to talk to his boss about some income taxes, and the 3rd call was him asking me if i called him? Wtheck? HAHA whatever<3 It was good talking to him, even tho it was for only like 3 mins. 6th period was alright. Then it was the end of school. I reminded my godddaddy to pick me up cause i wanted to go to the mall with him cause i wanted some stuff :]] I got my red coat! YAYAYAYAYYAYAYAY!<33 And a bunch of other stuff at forever21 & a bag at h&m. I'm about to go back tho cause there's this other messenger bag that i want. Hmm, next week (= Haha, so yeah i left around 2:30 and in the mean time juan,randy,franshya, and jan and i took pictures. FAMILY POTRIAT! HHAHAH, funny shit. Took pictures of everyone else also and then i had to leave. I went shopping by myself and told franshya to call me when they were at chipotle. She called me and i went to go visit them. Everyyyone was there. I'm kinda sad i missed a 'eating out' day with them, but it's alright there's more to come! That was just 1 out of 4325235! Hah, so yeah franshya gerald randy and juan ended up shopping also. Cause franshya wanted to go shopping with me. Walked around and shopped for awhile hella fun tho' Juan is a funny//chill ass dude. I'm glad he's a junior cause fxck if he was also a senior then DAMN, my year is like d;salhfasuyfj! For next year i mean. Soo yeeeah, gerald took me home and idk what they did after. But i gotta admit, today was a veryyy good day (= I can't wait for tomorrow's dinner+Christmas in the park on friday!! I don't curr if i don't have a date. :] I just wanna go for their hot chocolate and lights and what not<33 OH MYY. YAYYYYY!

Fooood!

Too lazy to write, but here was my day.
School-FREEEEEEEEZING COLD.
Chill afta' school
Ice cream+mcdonalds with mary-anne
3 scoops of thirfty ice cream actualllly. HAHA!
Home-took a 30 min. nap.
Jessica Do came over and talked for like 10 mins.
She wanted pho so we went to Pho Kim Long<3
I didn't eat cause i was already heyllla full, so i had tea.
Then she wanted to go to Santana Row, it's so pretty!
Went to borders for some hot chocolate-pretty good if you ask me..
Urban outfitters cause she had to buy a gift for someone.
Burgerking for my brother and mama.
& now i'm home, stillllllll hella full and tired. What a day (=







&& tomorrow, i'm going to get my coat at wet seal! The red one that i've been wanting. Then shopping some more and maybe valleyfair with my babygirls? Idk yet, we'lll seeeeeee.<333 Ta-ta. =)

I colored

my hurrr, but it's darker. Still brown but DARK BROWN. I like it, it's alriiight. I had fun today chillin' with manda and franshya tho<3333

I'm really

in the mood to rearrange my room. Or least to the point where everything is reallllly organized and what nott. One of my closet door is broken therefor i can only use half of my closet. And i gotta stuff allah my close on one side and it's just too crowded+i want more clothes! So how is that supposed to work? I told mama about it already but she said wait until the house owner comes for the $$$ and we'll tell him about it. Shoooot, how long will that be?! I'm saving up $$ for christmas gifts+stuff for myself (= Mmmhmm! Hahaha either that or goddaddy can buy. But right now now, i'm in need of this....






I'm gonna be using that to keep my scarves,bags, & for the 3rd box idk yet, but i'll think of something.









My $hopping list.
I want boots from Nu Pair, mama and i are on a mission to gets some. But she keeps looking for ones with the heels and i don't want those kinds. So i think twin and i are gonna get them together :)) Black, grey, brown, whateva! Just those 3 colors. None of that purple, blue or other color shit.


I WANNA FILL MY CLOSET UP :) I know it's all just material stuff, but whatever! I'm a girl and i have needs. And my needs are clothes :] +i'll just feel prepared for any occasion because i have BOTH sides of the closet filled with clothes instead of just 1 side. Hahaha.


FOREVER 21




















& in other colors.^^



& in other colors.^^except for black//grey//purple. I have it already (=
























& in other colors!^^

WET SEAL

CHARLOTTES RUSSE

Shirts-Usually a Small. Medium depending on how it fits.
Jeans-Size1
Shoes-Size7

UPDATE

-make list of christmas shit.
-write letters to people
-bfa
-mom
-people coming over
-kevin nguyen
-my room
-j.do
-'siamese twin'
-twin//mary-anne//franshya
-grades
-$$$$
-the difference between wanting something & having something
-relationships...
+more? idk yet..update lattta'

I really

don't feel like getting into detail about my day right now. I think it's cause i'm really in the mood to be oraganizd, clean, $hop!!, and i'm too excited for tomorrow :)) I'm cutting 1-4period because jessica do is taking me out (= YAY YAY. And there's a rally tomorrow+i probably won't be going to 5th. But most def. 6. And i'm chilling with bestie during lunch. Oh my! Tomorrow's gonna be a good day. I realllly wanna go shopping tho' i feel so selfish for wanting all these stuff for myself, but whatever! Hahhaa. Today was also a great day. Too much for me to explain. And i wanna clean now. But first i'm going to shower :]]] GOOOOOD DAY.

4 squares

Today was just a greaat day.
School was fun//lunch also.
Classes went by pretty fast.
After school was great+pictures & talks!<3333
Saw baby Kalea<3
Chilled till like 4ish?
Sendai with 4squares-Maryanne//Angela//Mark//Me.
Deep Talkes for about 30 more mins after we finished eating.
Dropped people off+pictures.
& Home.

Wintaa'ball

even tho the music was not so good at alll, i still had fun. Let's get into details about my day yesterday :))
Started off with waking up around 7. I already knew what i was wearing which was shorts & a grey t-shirt. Yes, i know i guess i'm crazy cause everyone was like are you not cold?! Etc etc, and i replied back nope, cause my body was hella warm for some reason. I mean i had goosebumps and everything but inside i wasn't cold at all. Who wears shorts in december? I DO :)) Hahah! So yeah had a lot of those questions and the rest of the day was just a good day. I'm so greatful of everyone is crazy. I think about it all the time, at the end of the day i realize how much fun i've been having. I remember in the beginning of the year i was in the 'depression' mood and idk, things just started to turn around. So yeah mary-anne and i decided to get ready at my house, which was good for me cause my mom was home and yeah i just needed to see her. Even tho she said no to me, i ended up going anyways. Bad i know, but iono. So yeah after school! FXCK since i was wearing shorts i guess she decided to slap me! On and off, and next thing you know i have a bruise on my right leg of a fxcking handprint and on my left leg was just a mark that look liked i got fxcking bit. Seriously? Uhgg, haha! And i was wearing a dress later on the night too! Fxck, i hope it didn't show in the picture that kevin and i took at winterball :) btw, thank you for coming.<33 Even tho i didn't really spend time with you, i also felt like i didn't need to. But it's ok cause as long as you had fun (= But anyways, so we left school kinna early. 3:45ish? Yeah around there. Dropped franshya home and went to my house. Robert and Kevin didn't know what to do so they came over. We just chilled and shit and talked. Ate my see's candy<3 YUM! I still couldn't find the marshmellow ones! UHGG, one of my favorites. Mmhmm! So yeaaah, maryanne started getting ready-curling her hair while robert and chung were on my bed laying down. I think robert fell asleep tho, and chung..just uhm yeah. I did my hair which i had to re-do a couple of times cause it started messing up. I didn't curl it or anything. I didn't have a date so there was no point of me getting allll dolled up. So yeah, got ready and maryanne and i put our dress on. We were ready! The guys left around 5ish cause they went to go get ready also. Maryanne and i were done getting ready, but still had some touchups to do, we talked and shit and oh my! I love getting close to old friends that i've known for like everrrrr. Left my house around 6:30. Oh i just remembered that i BARELY ATE ALLLL DAY. No time, shit. Uhgg, but yeah got to linhs house and the girls weren't even ready! Linh, nicole, shaina and rio. They didn't finish decorating until 6ish. Which left them not much time to get ready. But they were still cuties! Linh curled her hair helllla fast. And nicole broke her neckalce out of no where, haha a pearl necklace too. Shit, shaina's hair wasn't curling like we both wanted soo we just left it straight. Rio's hair wasn't working with her either and she couldn't find her belt so she dipped and went home to get another belt so that her dress wouldn't fall. Yet they all looked fine to me. Thank god maryanne and i finished getting ready cause some of the girls needed our help :) Soo, we got to the high school and we waited for a bit. Got inside and i must say it was veryyy pretty! Didn't really dance until kevin got there tho cause i didn't want my pictures to look whack. There was no long line whatsoever! Chilled for a while and kevin called me saying he was there. Once he got inside we took our picture. We got a 2nd try and i liked our 2nd shot :))) The first one was cute, but the 2nd was just much better. Oh! And twin's picture was super super cute! HAHHA. So was allens and maryannes and ayush and allyssa's. I can't wait to have them in my hands to look at tho' I barely got any pictures of that night tho' but that's fine i guess. Didn't chill with doublea cause he didn't text me back so i ended up going to eat. But first! We stayed and helped clean up for HELLLA LONG. shit. Duck tape is hellllllllla hard to get off. Finished around 12 and everyone was hungry. Decided to go eat dennys and mama was mad that i was still out. Whateva' Finished around 145ish and went home. Mama yelled for like 20 secs and i gave her, her food. End of my night, i was soo tired when i got home. Shoot.

Sooo...

i'm kinda worried at this point.. because everytime i get hella close to someone and they end up finding a girl or boy & they brush me off like it's nothing. Why? B/c they don't know how to manage their time with their friends and girl/boyfriends. Uhgg, this seriously ALWAYS happens.











++winterball is not looking so good for me! UHGGG!

Loooks like

i'm not going to winterball ;//

Christmas

or actually winter i should say makes me feel hella alone. Although i can still share it with my friends+family, it makes me want someone [physically//emotionally] to share it with.. you know? And especially with all these random hookups it makes me go like AFGADHRB! Shit dude, everywhere. Even more than before! Idk, maybe i'm over thinking it, but i mean i can't help ittt. Everywhere i go it connects to something else that deals with a couple or something. Shoot. Ok, i needa snap out of it. Now all i'm thinking about is this coat i SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN at the mall ;/ UHG, haha<3333

& this one too..

But the red one was my favorite! I went back to the mall later on that day somewhat in the morning with shay to buy it cause i had money. I come back and it's gone! :[ they had a medium but that shit fitted like it was a large! Crapola. But i can't wait to do secret santa and start making my christmas list +go shopping with mama for my christmas presents. Yeah..we do it our way. Instead of her suprising me what she got for me, i end up going shopping with her. I wasn't really into that whole christmas thing, untill my friends got me excited for it. I'm really just excited to spend some of my christmas week with them<3 Other than that, family wise isn't so spirited...

I loveee it

when the guys visit! My moms so chill about them coming over now..I guess it doesn't matter to them that they're boys in the house. I'm kinna'glad papa left. Cause uh i probably wouldn't be able to have them over -__- But whatever it's coool. <333

Potluck

wasn't so much of a potluck, but it was still hella chill. I can't wait until Saturday tho!!

I'm

excited for potluck tomorrow and movies on saturday!
yayyayayay.

Last night

was veryyyy fun. I enjoyed the music+the energy all my friends had. && I'm very proud of my friend's performance last night. Once they were on stage i was like damn! I knew they were talented and all, but like deeeum they're really really talented to have the courage to perform and shit <3 Love em'. So yeah day started out with school and what nott. The day was going pretty swell. My mom had the day off but she didn't wake up till like 3:3pm. HAHA! Damn mama. But yeah, i came home around 4 and my mom was still in bed. I didn't really do anything once i got home b/c chung & robert was gonna pick me up around 4:30ish. I was kinda scared to ask or i mean tell my mom i was going to the piedmonts concert but she said she was getting in the shower. Once she said that i was like YESS! This is going to be easy..once she got into the shower 10 mins later i went in and said mom i'm going to a concert. She kinda yelled and said what concert where and what time are you coming home. I said it's starting at 5 and ending around 8:30. And i just left :) Woooo, once i got to piedmont i called my mom to say thanks for letting me for and what not, but she didn't pick up. She called me back but before i could say anything she just said ok, have fun bye. <333 Goodness, i really think it's easier that my dad is gone. She's more leanient when it comes to me going out. Yes yes yes. Last night was cold but pretty fun. CCS+Gabe+Reynard<3333 Reynard has the softest voice eva'! Mmmhm! And Gabe is short, but that doesn't matta' cause he can play. CCS Haha that pakistan guy made me laugh. He's funny the guy in the light blue sweater is a cuuutay! And The other one kept lookin' at me & twin. Yay yay but then again he was looking at everyone else so whatever' HAHAH. OH! And what about that black guy from piedmont. Oh my, he was the entertainment for the night! HAHAHAHHA! I kept lookin' at him cause he was hella entertaining. But yeah..the night was over +bj asked his girl out after his performace! CUTEST SHIT. I give him props for that<3 We stayed there till 9 something and ayush was my ride home :) Went to go eat at wienershinitzel however tha' fxck you spell that haha and then left. I was the first to get dropped off cause my house was the closest. I was gonnna' sneak out and go out with everyone to wingstop after they were done with yfc, but i hellla knocked out+no one called, but it's cool. I woke up kinda dissapointed cause i rarely miss out on sneaking out with the guys...i guess you can say i don't wanna be replaced in any way nor neglected. I ain't trynna trip about it much so i'm off.








++I cleaned the WHOLE house today so i can go to dudu's dance off. I called my mom earlier to ask her but she didn't pick up. But she just called me like 5 secs ago and i asked, but she said idk yet, i'm busy and i'm going out tonight i'll call you back. I just said ok. So i'm kinda worried and hoping that she would let me go. PRAY FOR ME :) k, bye.

Hahah

i just taught my mom how to text :) yay....


++ i thought that having my dad gone would be bad because i wouldn't be able to go out as much, but i guess i was wrong. Mama's more chill when it comes to me going out now since papa and her don't have to fight. Double yay. <333

Laramie

project play wasn't even that good. Since it was my first play and all i was excited for it, but idk it just wasn't as what i was expecting it to be. Likeee, i thought there was gonna be a blood and like a person that was actually Matthew Shephard tied onto the fence showing us how he was dying. But NO, it was nothing like that. It was basiclly a docu. Shoot i coulda' just read articles about that! Instead of wasting $7 just to see it, but whatever it's fine..because i gotta do a portfolio about it for FH&O anyways. School was alright, but my favorite of the day was cutting 6th to go shopping for robs birthday stuff. Whip cream & 'cutie' ice cream sandwhiches+something gay candy from spencers & the pink ballon w/stolen stickers from party city and the names written on them with my eyeliner -_- btw, thanks kevin for ruining my eyeliner. HAHA! Ayush, Jan, & kevin cut also. 6th period went by hellllla fast. It's funny how in class time goes by hella slow, but when your out it goes by super fast! But yeah, we came after school a little bit late & i missed the class yearbook picture ;/ but it's whatever b/c it was worth it. I heared that everyone that was in it had to have the class t-shirt which i did in my locker, but by the time we came back they already took the picture. It's coooool. So anyways...after school..oh! We whipped cream robert. :) Like hella hella hella. Hahha The 4 of us [ayush, kevin, jan & i] each got one so we all sprayed him. That was fun. Bea's baby was also at school+bea!<3 Oh god i hella miss her. So we chilled for a little bit & jessica was supposed to pick me up around 4:30ish. somewhere around there. Well soo...everyone left and i was still there with allen and daniel. I had allen wait with me and daniel :) Haha and so he did. Mama J. took forevva! And i got mad for like less then 5 mins and i got over it. She explained to me when she got to my house and it was done with. Hahaha, i also left the phone in my room and i was in the living room eating. I got 6 missed calls. Damnit, i hate it when that happens. I have my phone with my and no one calls or texts & then when i DON'T have it people call or text me!? What thee, hahaha whateverrr. Ok so yeah i returned them calls and jessica was outside waiting in her car. I called ayush back and he said he was picking me up for chipotle for robs birthday. Picked me up and met everyone else there. Allen, nicole & meghan were already in the car. So we got to Chipotle and everyone wasn't all there yet. Chillled for a bit and more started coming. Not everyoneee came, but it was pretty chill. I didn't eat so i just sat there talking. Time went by pretty fast tho' Meghan and i walked to Forever21 and just browsed. I hellla miss her too<33 So anyways..uhm. Meghan and i got freee samples from see's candy :) Mmmhmm! But it was mint dark chocolate. And i hate dark chocolate, but it was pretty tasting. Nicole called and said we're gonna leave soon, so we walked back. Stayed for about 10 mmins? and left. Ayush+allen dropped meghan, nicole and i @ the high school because we were gonna watch the Laramie Project play..Met up with others later on. Then after the play jan,franshya and i camera whored and what not. Kevin was our ride home, but him and franshya were hungry, so we went to go eat. Pho Mai was our destination. Jan and i didn't eat so we got candy instead. The other 2 ate. I came home around 10:45 and i went to my moms room to let her know i was home. She found out i cut, but i gave her a good excuse. At first i was just gonna go in my room and not let her know, but i figured that it would make things worse so i just let her know :] Told her that i saw the lady that worked at pho mai that has been working there forever! and that the lady talked to me..then yeah. Now i'm home. Kevin uploaded all the pictures of me from today :) YAY. Hahaha. But i'm out. Piedmonts concert tomorrow!!! YAYAYYAYAY. Goodnight.<3

Winterballll

I'm not so sure i wanna go. I'm pretty low on money & idk if my mom will let because i came home to late the last time i went to a dance, which was homecoming. But dang, idk. IF i do go, i needa get a dress NOW. And i need flats cause i don't wanna wear heels at all. Hmm what else, oh and i think i wanna go by myself :) It's just pictures is what i want. Uhmmm, what else..oh! Robs birthdays tomorrow! Yay yay! And also the play+piedmonts concert is on friday! I'm excited. Du du's dance off also. Woooo! I'm off to wal-mart (= i want a new bag. Hahah +some more sweats and a sweaters. GOOOD DAY.

Whyy

crush on someone when they're already diggin' someone else? I'm over it. I don't wanna waste my time.

Exactly

like my away message. So just 5 mins ago my mom was hella yelling at me. At first she came into my room asking me to give her another massage because she had a runny nose. the first massage i gave her was a good talk. We talked about my dad and what not. But the 2nd time she came in around 12:something. I thought she said she was going to sleep? But i guess not. & since my dad left she thinks she came come in and out of her room because she can't wake him up anymore. Fxcccckkk, that's whack. But uhm she came into my room and i massaged her neck and her head. I left kevin on the phone still. And my mom was already buggin' me since she came home. Shit, then like her hair was getting tangled and i didn't know so i pulled my hand out of her hair and it pulled her hair+head and she got heated. And started yelling at me & added more shit too it, like going out with a lot of guys? WTF, are you stupid? did i not just tell you last night that that's who i mainly chill w/now? Fxcking idiot. You probably don't even listen when i tell you shit, what's the point of telling you? I really did wish that i would have those american type of relationships with their moms, but not my mom. Hell to the fxcking no. Forget that shit. She's stupid. I mean it could be my period making me hella pms and her too, but still. I don't wanna make that an excuse of why i'm irritated with her. I'm just irritated with her in general.



++
this whole k thing..idk what to do..you say you're growing feelings for me, like more, but then you make a blog about another girl? i don't get you at times, but who am i to judge? It's your life, like whoever you wanna like. Just don't mess with my emotions. Please&thanks.

Foool

don't trynna play me, cause i'm not the type//one to be playing games.

You

don't know how sad it is to have my mom make me type something like this to my dad through yahoo messenger.
Me:hi dad, mom wanted me to tell you that she has something important to tell you.
:she wanted to let you know that she's taking your name out of this house & telling the house agency that you have a new family, & that you're not living here anymore..well at least for 3 months.
:& that she said congratulations with your new wife+baby.



-fxck that shit duuude. you don't know how hard it is to know that my dad has a newborn babyBOY. Yeah i just found out today that it's a boy. Uhgggg, and my dad's still married! Stupid idiot. Whatev'. What am i supposed to do now? the baby's already born. I'm just glad it's not a girl, and even if it was I'M daddy's FIRST & ONLY daughter. :) And it's going to stay that way, no matter how many kids you have with that bitch.

Oh &

my dad left last night ;[ Shit, i was going to go to the game around 8:30 so that i could chill with my dad before he left, but i couldn't take it. I knew for a fact that i was going to cry once i said bye and everything..So i decided to go to the game early. My bus left at 7:18 so i left my house at 7:15. I went to my gramp's house which is right in front of mines[[funny i know]] and my dad was there. I came inside and i said bye dad, have fun, love you and gave him a kiss. Once i turned around i already started to tear up. I didn't want him to see me tearing up or anything so i left right away. And then when i was walking to the bus stop i was really really tearing up. I wasn't crying, but yeah. Idk if it'll be better that my dad is gone or it's sad? My mom says that they're always fighting cause of me so i guess it's a good thing that he's gone. But will i be going out more? Since my dad is gone i have no one to always say yes too when i ask for something. Crapola, damnit. But i mean, dad's gone now mom so there's no one to fight with when i'm gone at night. Shooot i don't even know! hopefully things will be better now that he's gone, besides mom always says that she likes it better when dads gone. How rude? Hahah whatevaaaa' mama. whatevaaa' makes you happy :)<3

The boys

are off to camp! But will be back tomorrow :) I can't wait to hear what happened && etc. So last night was the football game//senior night. Most of my friends were at yfc camp and i must say i missed a lot of them. I never really realized how attached i've grown to them. It made me realize last night that 'damn, it's their last year here. they're not even going to be here next year' it makes me wonderrr a lot how things are gonna be next year. Fxccccck, but i mean the girls! I feel like i'm growing close to them, which is good. I tend to be the only girl in my group that usually chills and now there's more! :) yay, but hmm, this blog is pointless. All i can say is next year is going to be different, tremondously different! But change is good right? Right. But i know f'sure i'm going to hellllllllllla miss them<3














+texting =)))) from 10:45-2:15 am. Damn that made my night. Although i did fall asleep at one point, but i woke up so it's fine :] Hahaha. Buuut the thing is i don't know if i want to get back to that..shoot. I got a lot of thinking to do!

I seem to like it

When i'm bussy. Or i try to be, but then i get that 'you go out to much' from my mama and then i'm screwed at home with nothing to do. But this week so far i've been doing something and i'm enjoying it. Better than coming home exactly 4 and then end up taking a long ass nap untill like 6 or 7. What a waste! And i'm really lagging on my grades too, the thought of hw just uhg! I don't even have words to explain. I don't like hw & i usually say i don't have any, but i say that mainly because i just don't like the thought of even having hw and then i actually got to do it at home. Shoot, ew. But anyways. Friday-my dads leaving ;/ & it's also senior night. So i don't think i'll be watching the senior parts or whatever at the game b/c i will be going late. Since my dad is leaving around 8-8:30. Damn, i can't believe he's leaving already... Alright so next week! Thurs-I'm going to watch the laramic project @ school. Seems pretty intense and interesting to me+it can count as a portfolio in FHAO class. Then Friday i'm going to Piedmonts concert thingy or at least i'm going to try. I gotta let my mom know ahead of time tho. Then Sat-is robs birthday! But i really doubt that i'm going to that b/ccc i have to babysit and what not. It's either i go late late at night or not go at all. But i at least wanna stop by for a bit, so i might just sneak out or something. And his house isn't far from my house at allll so maybe i'll just walk there. Hmm next week! I'm excited.

Sneaking out

Soo i'm pretty lazy to go into details about what happened on tuesday night. What i can tell you is that we're having another one like that on monday night! I'm exciteddd, yay yay. But anyways.
Last niiiiiiiight, i snuck out again.
FRIDAY-
And also friday. But come to think of it Friday was the easiest i've ever snuck out of this house. Since i didn't go to the football game i just stayed home. No point because i was in my room the whole time doing diddly squat. So i slept early. Thinking that i would sneak out later on anyways. Around 11:50ish allen calls me to go out. Next thing you know i'm up and gone just like that. It was hella easy. Everyone was already asleep cept for my brother, i don't even think he realized that i just left cause he was so caught up in playing maplestory. So i left and it was only daniel,ayush, and allen. I thought it was just us 4, but it's never just 4 people. Then we ended up meeting with the rest at in-n-out and amanda, twin, franshya were there! Along with the other boys, gerald, jon [which was a suprise to me cause he never sneaks out] kevin and robert. We sat there for a bit thinking of what to do. No one was going to eat there so we decided to go to burger kinggg. Some people ate and some people didn't. After burger king we went to Sierra. The view<33333 Then i think it was gerald that told jon to walk up the hill, but joking at the same time? Jon didn't take it as a joke obviously, so he walked up there. Then some of us followed. Some walked up in pairs, then as we were going down franshya and i were running down, then gerald decides to scare her! Which makes me throw her keys and she looses them. Spent about 20 mins or so looking for her keys IN THE DARK with no lights cept from our phone and the car headlights. Looking and looking, still no luck. We just told her to look for it another time, in the day light. So we left sierra and decided to go to fowler park? The one by evergreen. It was a nice park tho i must sayy, but it was hella cold and all the equipments were wet. Robert was on the babyswing and i pushed it and he fell+one of his leg got stuck, oops!<3 Haha! We all did our own thing for a little bit and twin and i talked. Bout the 2 K's. Interesttttingggg twin.. Hahahaha. Then we all gathered up and just talked about their years plans and their roadtrips together and what notttt. I'm hella going to miss the seniors tho, real talk. Then it was almost 4 and allen had to be home soon. Soo we all decided to leave. Got dropped off and it was 4:45ish? Somewhere around there, stayed up till 5. Went to sleep and my day was done.
SATURDAYY-
Last night i came home @ 5am this time. The longest i've stayed out so farr. My mom and pops fell asleep. My brother wasn't here. Earlier that night my dad locked the garage door. Acting like i was getting some water i unlocked it :) Hahah, i swear if my house had an alarm system my life would be fxcked. Shit. But anyyyywayys. Kevin and twin picked me up by the church. And it was just us 3 and i was wondering where everyone else was at. I guess ayush went to go pick up everyone else. We all met up at Mark's house. Since his parents weren't home we just chilllled there. Watched youtube videos and just relaxed. Eventually some of us got hungry and we didn't know where to eat that was open around 2am. We drove and someone said Dennys. So we went to dennys. Waited and waited and waited, then got to our seats. Talked and talked then ordered. Talked some more and ate. Finished eating and we didn't want to go home yet, so we went back to mark's house. Ayush and them dropped allen off, he had to be home before his mom woke up. :( He's usually the earliest one to leave. Booo. So we went back to marks's house and just chillled some more there. I got tired by then and i took a short nap on the couch. The others were talking about life. I could hear them. I remember gerald saying "Happiness is only for a while, Joy is for a lifetime." Something like that. Idk deeeep shit tho. Then we had to go cause yush had to return the car before his parents woke up.. Dropped one of ayush's car back at his house and used the car that i was in. We fit 5 people in the back. Hahhaha, it was alright tho cause angela lived pretty close by. So we dropped her off and then dropped kevin. Ayush drove from then on and we dropped franshya off. Gerald and then me. Daniel was last. I got home around 5. I wasn't that tired, but once i layed down my bed i just knocked out. I honestly love late night chill days tho. They're always fun.<3333 It's becoming to be an everyweekend typa' thing. Sometimes on weekdays, depending on what the drivers feel like doing. But shit! I can not wait for monday night. Gerald and Kevin have been researching some stuff about haunted schools and what not. FXCKKKK!
Oh! And i had some visitors today :) Since i was stuck at home all day i was hellla bored. Kevin and bj stopped by to chill for a bit. And ayush ended up coming over too. When my parents came home i thought my dad especially would trip, but he didn't.<3 Because they were guys and everything, but i guess he doesn't care. I thought my mom would be a distraction because she was going to cook but my dad came home first and he was on the phone and i overheard him saying something about going out to eat. So i guess my mom wasn't cooking anymore. My mom came home with fastfood for me from Kim Lee's<3 Mmmhmm! They left me alone and home, but i still had the guys over! +Jackjack. Bj was hellla entertained by jackjack earlier along with kevin. Haha daaang. But anyways, kevin wanted gauges i guess so all 3 of them went to the mall? But i'm guessing that ayush just went home. They came back and kevin didn't even buy them, he wants to save up to buy lights for his car noww. They left and i was home alone with jackjack, then about 10 mins or so jack got picked up. All alone now. Bored to death! I finished watching Ironman so i decided to watch White Chicks. While watching White Chicks Bj and Kevin came over again. They chilled untill 10ish and left. Went into my room finding something to do. Bored for alomst 2 hours and then that's when i snuck out. =))


++And i don't remember the first time i snuck out, but all i remember is that i was hella scared. I was shaking and nervous and kept thinking about my mom and if she would come into my room. But i know better. I wait until she sleeps, then i leave. Out of alll the days we've snuck out there was this one time where i was too tired to go. That was the ONLY time i didn't go. I think? Or the car was full. But idk something like that. I just love the fact that i'm a 'usual' when it comes to sneaking out<3 The mains are daniel, kevin, ayush, and allen+me. That's only if we're using 1 car, and we're just going out to eat and talk. But lately it's been more people coming with us and i love it.

Doesn't it

make you wonder? I think we would be pretty cute :) Hahha! I'm just saaaayin.
















+i'll tell about what happened last night later on, possibly tomorrow?
Reminder what it's about: Tuesday night, ghosthunting!

Update.

-Trust issues with my mama
-Realizing whose fake and real?
-Party @ kevins +halloween candy.
-Dad leavinggg+his gf and his new baby?
-K & K..
-Bfa and car rides from him.
-Problems at home?+babysitting
-Schoooool all together. Grades//friends//everything?






Trust issues with my mom.
Soo it pretty much started out with me coming home late like 1-2AM late. And i understand that she would be mad cause i turned off my phone and shit, but fxck mom start trusting me more. I was having a good time and i know my limits. On halloween night we were chilling at kevin's house and we ended off the night with scary storys from juan[ and i must say, he's fxcking legit!<3] but anyways you kept calling and i knew i was already in trouble and whatever, but i didn't know that you were gonna stay up untill i came home. So i came home around 1:45ish? Somewhere around there and i came home pretty quietly..my mom didn't notice that i came home so i pretty much got into my bed hella slowly. I was trying to sleep thinking that she would also fall asleep like that night i came home late from homecoming dance. But no, i heared her open her door and she was looking at my door to see if it was closed, but i left it open. And i turned my phone back on....so i fell asleep i guess and my mom calls me. FXCK, i didn't answer it tho' but after she called me 5 minutes later she came into my room and started softly yelling at me. Softly yelling because she didn't wanna wake my dad up and she has another side when it comes to my dad. So she was yelling at me on and off..she kept leaving my room and coming back in. She hit and slapped me on the head and shit but whatever, and she called me something in vietnamese that she's been calling me..Basiclly calling me a slut or a whore or some shit idk. And when my mom calls me shit like that it starts to bring me to tears b/c she doesn't know anything. She thinks she knows what i'm doing but she has no clue. Maybe she did some bad shit back in her days but that doesn't mean you should compare it to me and assume that i'm doing the same thing. I swear i know better..while and after she was yelling at me i started crying. She ALWAYS thinks that i'm doing something bad. I seriously think that she thinks i'm having sex. That's why she always calls me a slut or whatever. And it's the fact that all her friends call me a pretty girl and they expect so much out of me. It all gets to her. I can see it. In front of her friends she acts like we're perfect kids. We clean, we cook, we basiclly do everything now. But when they're all gone, she yells and my brother and i saying were bad kids. And we're no good and that she's never seen kids that don't listen to their parents and disrespect them as much as we do. WTF? Are you serious?! If you never had to yell so fxcking much and just listened then maybe i wouldn't go out so much. Or maybe if you let me go out w/out always having to call me telling me to go home i would come home early on my own just because i wanted too, not because you told me too. I love you mom, i really do. I'm sorry that i don't listen, but it's hard to talk to you because YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. I can't stand that you call me names like that. You say i'm doing shit behind your back, which is kinda true, but it's not bad stuff as in like drugs or some shit. I told you already i know better, you raised be better than that. I'm not having sex, i'm not drinking nor am i doing drugs. I'm just having fun with my friends. The natural way. And when i'm out i'm safe. Trust me. I wouldn't go out and hang out somewhere where i don't feel safe, i mean come on now mom. I mean, god, why can't you trust give me more trust, otherwise i wouldn't have to give you excuses and lie to you about where i'm going. If you just understood where i was going and why then idk, it would change things i guess. But no. I just gotta wait 2 more years and i'm out. I don't want to leave you, cause i mean you're my mama<3 But fxck i just need space. You're seriously just trying to trap me in this house. Because i babysit so much on the weekends i try and go out on the weekdays as much as possible. And the reason why i babysit is because of you. You need the money i know, but mom i'm grown now. I need money too. I'm not like a little kid anymore where you hold all of my money. Damn, i don't know. I just wish that one of these days we can seriously just open up. Talk about the rules in this house i guess, b/c honestly there are no rules. Or at least i don't follow any of them. Oh and did i say that when she was yelling at me she kept saying that she's gonna buy me a ticket and go to vietnam with my dad? Mmmhmm, you always say that. But would you really do it? I doubt it. You need me here.


The fake friends and the real.
All i can really say is that i know whose real and fake. I know who to trust and tell things to and i know who not to tell things too. Mmm it's not really me that has it, it's just others around me. I've grown to notice things about people on my own. I don't need someone to tell me shit about them. I mean whatever, tell me all you want but it's really up to me to judge them. And i know it's not right to judge, but that's how it works. You judge someone and you either want to learn more about them or you don't. And i really am the type of person that wants to learn everything about everyone. It's a good feeling knowing that you always have someone there. And when they can't be there for you, they'll make it up somehow. It's just like if someone isn't there for you, you have others. I'm just hella thankful for the friends i have now. I know that in the future we won't hang out as much because all of you guys will be busy with your lives and going to college, but i want to grow to love you guys. It's pretty much like a 'family' but to me i'm just part of the group. But only because i haven't been/hung out with you guys as long as the others. But still, just promise me that you guys will keep in touch. I'm gonna treat this year as like it was my senior year.


Kevin's house+halloween+football game.
So Halloween was pretty fun. I mean i didn't have hella hella hella fun, but i did have fun. But by the end of the night everything was worth it. but anyways, thinking of halloween kinda gets me sad. It makes me think a lot about how much we've grown. I remember trick-or-treating with my parents when we were younger and we got HELLA CANDY. Like i mean hella! I expect so much out of halloween because of my past. My parents went to go eat with some of the family and they invited my brother and i, but we didn't want to go because we wanted to go out with our friends. And i personally wanted to get hella candy. But like i said, mainly because i expect so much out of it. So my brother already left with his friends around 6:30. I stayed home untill 7 so that my parents can drop me at nob hill to meet up with twin. My twinny is angela :) Yay! I've always wanted a twin, sorta. Hahah. If you think about it, there's a lot of people that either have some similarities or they just remind of you someone. And i've heard that angela and i kinda look alike since freshman year. But i never really noticed it untill recently. But anyways. We wanted to get candy for a bit and hit up the football game to see who was there. After getting candy we walked to the high school. We really didn't get that much candy and it made me hellla sad. You don't know how much i love candy, i know it sounds stupid, but i pretty much grew up with candy. HAHAHAH! Mmm, nvm that does sound stupid. But i don't care :) So while walking to the football game it was like 8 something. Almost halftime. Angela and i just wanted to watch halftime then leave. Yush called me saying that he was gonna pick me up. Told him to pick me up at the high school and he said alright around 8:30. Twin and i were exactlly there for only 10 mins. Whatever i aint trippin. It started to rain anyways! So yay yush to the rescue. Picked twin and i up with minh and nicole in the car. Once we got to the house it was pretty much chillll. The night went on and there was a lot of dancing. Although i didn't dance a lot, cause idk. I wanted to, but i felt like it was akward for the guys because i hung out with them a lot. But s'kay i'm not really trippin...But school! Oh my goodness. I had a lot of fun just seeing people getting all dressed up and into halloween, but there were a lot of doubles. Like a lotttt of doubles. And i was really dissapointed in myself because i wasn't Hillary Banks for halloween. Fresh prince with Ayush, Kevin C. & Ruben would've been pretty coool. They won for Most Original. Yush was Will Smith//Kevin was Jazz// And Ruben was Uncle Phil. But anyways, MINH DO! Oh my fxcking goodness. Shits crazy, he helllla cracked me up. The whole fxcking day. But uhm yeah. That was halloween. Damn dude. That day was one of the best so far.<33333


Damn. My dad...
Where do i even start with my papa. I should really say that i don't care, but how can i not? I mena if mom is gonna say you have another child up in vietname then damn. Fxck it. Might as well just leave and go take care of you're new kid. I mean you even said so yourself that you're gonna leave us once we graduate. And that's not too long away from now. Think about it johnson only has 3 more years including this year and i only got 2. And helllooo, have you not realized that the year goes by HELLA FAST. But shit dad, how can you? how could you? I can care less that you've been cheating on my because eventually you end up coming back to us. But like to hear that you have a new born baby? How am i supposed to react to that. You're not even married to her! You're married to mom. Are you fxcking stupid? How are you gonna be in the babys life when you still have a wife and 2 kids. And don't you think that it's embarrasing that everyone of your family member knows that you have another child and that you've been cheating on mom since i was 7? I mean seriously dad... I'm immune to everything now, but i don't know about the baby. I'm glad that you're girlfriend doesn't live here because i swear uhg. Whatever. You're gone for about 3-4 months. You wouldn't dare leave us for a year or longer. Moms already tried kicking you out, but noooo. Shoot idk what it is but you're leaving in 2 more weeks. I don't know how to react to that because you've been here so long. But then again, i should be used to this. I mean life at home is pretty much simplier when you're gone. Well mom says so, because you don't have to bitch all the time. Shit tho, now that you're gonna be gone i'm thinking about how i can go out. Cause when mama says no i go to you and you say yes<3 But i don't remember if mom would still say yes to letting me go out because when i came home late she wouldn't care as much b/c you wouldn't bitch at her. I really think that's the main reason why she hesitates to let me go out at night..because you also worry. But iono...she worries more because she's a mama. Like khrystel said.. it's a mamas thing. But YOU dad. Idk what you are. It's sad to say, but you're a slut. When are you ever going to understand that the girls you date are just going for you for you're money. Not you and the love that you give, but the material things that you can provide because you live in america. All they really want are famous product well to vietnam it's famous. Or like not famous...but idk how to explaine. Such as things like Olay body wash or shooot, idk. Just shit like that. Now mom, johnson, and i love you for you. You're a dad and a husband. You provide greatful things for us. Why would you want to leave now? Mom says that she can't wait for you to leave sometimes, but i know she's lieing. She's happier when you're here. She's in love with you. Like seriously. That's why she's still with you. And because of johnson and i, but still dad. She would literally do everything and anything for you. Not like those other bitches that only use you. Remember when you were really sick? Like really really really sick. When you called them for comfort they wouldn't pick up. Nor help you. Now mom...she catered to you. Brough a docter home for you. Everything and anything to make you feel better. Mom hated seeing you in pain. Now you, i don't think it even matters to you. When you're here, it's about you're family. I see that in you. But when you're in vietnam, you can't even call us to let you know you're there. You don't call us to say hi and how are you or i miss you. The only time you call us is when you ask mom for more money..so that you can buy stuff for us, when you really don't. I'm sick of you're lies, but i love you too much to let them all slide. I let all you're lies and stupidy slide for the past 8 years. I'm not stupid. I know what you're doing. And i'm not a little girl anymore. You say you don't want me having a boyfriend untill i grad. COLLEGE?! Wtf, are you serious? Uhm, yeah right dad. Grow up. You know better.


K&K.
Aren't really important. Cept for one of them. I'm sorry that your papa has passed away recently. But you already know that i'm always here for you. Just don't lead me on like you did the last time. And you know you what you're doing. So if you don't think i'm gonna get hurt you're thinking wrong. Mmm, and other K. Shit idk. I think i'm going to stop. Or at least i want to stop. But i can't. I just keep thinking how things would be if we were to ever have something. Hmmm idk. S'wateverrrrr, for now.


BFA! Ayush!
This one is especially for you. You seriously have grown to be one of my guy best friends. And it bugs me that people assume that we're talking or some shit like that just because we're always together. Why can't people just understand that people can be hella close and have hang out instead of assuming that somethings going on? Let me tell everyone that ayush is one of my best friends. But seriously, it's just that recently i've noticed stuff. Like i don't know if you know, but i appreciate everything that you've done for me. The car rides that you give me, dude seriously tho' if it wasn't for you, i wouldn't have gone to half of the places that we all go to chill. Oh and late night sneak outs with others?! Like damn, hella fun. It's funny how i used to hate you back in freshman year cause you just bugged the shit out of me. But that's because i didn't know you. Or i didn't want to get to know you. Fxck dude, now that i think of it, i can't believe i had a class with you. And then all of a sudden we have a class together sophomore year 6th period bio and iono. We just got close! But yeah, idk. I just want you to know that i'm glad to have a friend like you. I know we fight a lot, but whatever. What kind of friendship would we have if we never fight?


Problems at home?
I wouldn't realllly say we have problems. But lately i don't eat with my parents at the table during dinner anymore. I always skip it and then eat by myself later on. It really does make me sad that i'm growing tho. It makes me feel like because i'm growing that i'm drifting from my parents. Especially my mom. Fxck. It scares me...But iono. And i thought that the more my brother and i get older that we would have less fights, but not even! We fight alll the fxcking time. Seriously. Idk whose fault it is, but i guess we both need to grow. More so him tho' I just hate that fact that he acts like he's older than i am. Just quit it already, shit. You may be bigger than i am, but that doesn't mean shit. Damn, my parents just had another argument just now..Quit asking mom for money dad. We know you save up, but you're just spending most of it to buy shit for your gf and baby.


&& School?
Mmmm, idk what to say about school. I just need to be more productive. Make and hang out with more friends. Schoooool is going by hella fast tho! Shooot.



So i think that's pretty much it for now. $$$$$ is a major problem in my life right now tho' Shit. Someone help me find a way to save up my money.

I don't know

what you think, but i think we got something. You call me at 4 in the morning just because you wanted to talk to me before you went to sleep & then you text me g'morning right when you woke up :) I don't know about youuu but that tells me something...oh that made me pretty happy. Actually you in general make me happy. I mean not allll the time because the stuff you say or do or even react to things, but still.... ♥

It's not

really official if i like you or not, but it's pretty clear that i have a crush on you. BUUUT, i'm not gonna' make it anything serious. Just because i crush a lot :)

Fxck shit.

I hellla need to start saving my money! And i have a list of things to do.
+clean room
-i want to re-organize my room
/clean out closet
-get my closet door fixed first. HAH!
-buy a stand to hold my earrings
-save up money!
-tell mama or papa to give me a debit card.
-focus on school more
+CAMP EVERYTOWN talk with mama. get my shit signed+the money
-learn how to sew
-catch up on things with some people
-get a case and a lanyard for my phone.
-$hop for things that i need more than things that i want.
-try and fight less with my brother
-less arguing with mama
-after football season, lower going out on fridays..I'll TRY.
-the list just keeeeeeeps on going!
-get my stuff back from people that have borrowed from me. PRONTO.
-stop crushing so much.
-try bringing HOMEMADE lunches to school every other day or so :) Mmmmhmm.

Couples

everywhere dude, get me away from here.

Whyyy

do i have this strong attraction towards you? Is it b/c you remind me of someone that i used to like?

Do i really?

Look like Miley Cyrus [Hannah Montana] For at least the 5th time i got a 'compliment' from someone saying that i reminded them and or look likes Hannah Montana. WTF, hahah what is this nonsense.

Another

victim i suppose. Hahaha i find it pretty amusing now. Knowing whose next and what not. *Mama jesssica picked me up today and we ran some errands. Hahah then we went home and did hair and makeup for homecoming. I didn't like it at first, but come to think of it, it looks good! Mmmm, i'm pretty tired. Today was tiring actually & cold! Damnit, and i think i'm getting a sore throat. I'm gonna stop now, before i start complaining. Bye!<3

Time

went by pretty fast today. I need to save up $, but how can i ever save up if i always have to spend it on something. I usually end up spending my money on food, but not this time. I gotta buy homecoming ticket [i'm going w/out a date :|] and then i gotta buy junior class shirt! :] I like it tho<3 'specially since my fav. color is yellow. Yay! *I ran out of capri sun, now i have nothing to drink but water.* Ok, so classes. Remember when i said i was switching out? I don't know what to do anymore! I'm starting to like my 5th period, but i just gotta sit in the front where all these 'kids' help me, haha sad i know, but whatever! But the thing is I NEED TO GET OUT OF ALG2. My grade is already an F and so is Bio's grade. I'm pretty much fxcked in both of those classes. I have an appointment w/me counselour 2nd period on wednesday, soo i'll talk to her then. Someone remind me to go @ 9:30AM! Oh & speaking of fxcked, ms. lowe fxcked the seating chart. Therefore i don't sit next to Jackie-waay! anymore :[ I'm hella sad, but whatever, she's only 2 seats away from me. We'll manage. 1st period isn't my favorite period anymore. I'm not that excited to walk into class now, since i'm gonna have to wait untill like after class to tell her shit. Booo! Overall today was a good day. Jeremie and i had a good talk about who drives and what not etc etc.. 3rd period is my 2nd favorite period cause we always have free days. FYI, this whole blog thing is useless, but i like it.

C.

I miss you & i'm semi jealous. :|

Night visitors.

I love it when the people i used to hang out w/ visit. I miss hanging out with them. They make me laugh alll the time, even if i'm just sitting there dazing off. I could just sit there and watch them and i'de be entertained the whole time. <3 Hi guys, i miss you.

I find it

really cute when i see a guy walk w/his little brother.The difference of size is just adorable! Seeing the little brother walk and the big brother look down on him. Talking and smiling. Cuteshit.

Okay sooo.

I'm pretty mad now, we're not going to hometown anymore. It was supposed to be me, amanda, daniel, peter, and ayush. But since peter and daniel aren't going anymore i guess ayush thought it was pretty pointless. But whatever i didn't care, i just wanted to eat since i didn't eat the whole day thinking we were gonna go to hometown. But fxck whateverrrr. Today just wasn't my day. I'm gonna go rent movies and stuff myself with food that i have at home, that's if i have any. Fxcker. Thanks.

Akwarddd

For some reason i wasn't feeling today. I'm pretty positive i failed my test in 1st and in 2nd i didn't do anything cause i think i'm switching out. 3rd was t.a. and we did some stuff and he gave us a free day after that and i needed to finish my critical readings for 4th. Then in 4th we're watching a movie 'The Killing fields?' something like that iono. And in 5th period i slept the whole time. 6th period was pretty funny. But we didn't do anything. Soooo basiclly this whole day in allll of my classes i wasn't being productive. BAD. Lunch and brunch are the same as always, but during brunch someone ussed my i.d. number! So i didn't get food ;[ Boooo. Afterschooool was the most akward for me tho. I really don't want to say much, but just know that i was feeling pretty akward. I'm hellla not used to it. I guess i need to get used to the fact that everyone's gonna be occupied. As juan says. It happens ALL the time. I hate it tho, why can't friends have girlfriends or boyfriends and at the same time know how to manage time with their friends? I don't get it. Took the bus home with juan and roland. Venting to them a little about how i felt. Hometown tonight! I'll blog about that later, maybe. Goodbye!

Tyler & Omair

I basiclly spent all after school with them. Well actually not all after school, we chilled till 4:40ish and omair said we should starting walking to the bus before we miss it. And he was right, the bus came 2 mins early! After the bus we went to imagecuts to get his haircut. While tyler and i waited we just talked about hella shit and we met some sophomore at piedmont that used to go to our schoool. I told him i'de add him on myspace but i can't find it. He knows my brother -_- But he looks like a mexican gangster! Hahaha! After omairs haircut we went to mcdonalds. Bought them food and walked to target. Tyler had to get his film developed. We went to the mens clothing and they had sweaters for sale! $5! The pull over sweaters<3 I told tyler to get me a navy blue one cause he was gonna go back there to buy some with Toni. Walked omair to his bustop and then tyler and i walked to taco bell cause tyler had sugar all over his hands from my sour path watermelons. Haha idiottt. After that walked and talked. Then i met up with my cousin and brother and some of his friends at the park. Tyler had to borrow my brothers skateboard to get home and i chilled at the park for a while. I got pretty bored so i came home around 745ish? Did nothing at home but clean. The rest of the night was pretty boring. 10 mins ago i was picking out grey hair out of my dad's head :| OH! And classes were okay, i think i'm switching out of 2nd tho. I think i'm going to consumers math. Switch that class with bio which is 5th and we'll see how it goes. I'm gonna miss danilo david and john if i leave them tho' Boooo! But whatever, i need to keep my grades up. The only class that's putting me on the line of going to Cal Hills is Bio :[ Fxcker. Sooo to keep a good bio grade i'm gonna need to go away from the distractions. OHOHOH! And Mama jessica visit today<3

How are you...

gonna say it's unhealthy for us.
and then go do the same thing
w/someone else, but more?
Mmmm, i don't get you.
& i don't want to either.
99.9% over it.















Juice city fundraiser today was a good turnout !
A lot a people showed up; i didn't buy anything tho. =)

100%

I'm pretty much to the point where i'm ALMOST 100% happy.







<3 BEST!!!!!








*Today i fell asleep in 4th & i caught myself snoring -_-

Good talks.

When i really think about it i had some pretty good talks last night. Whether it was a short convo. or a long one. Schoool same ol' same o'l. 4th period was pretty crazy tho. We went to the computer lab today and we were searhcing for info about the cambodian genocide. Damn dude, WE have it good. Better than others i suppose. Sometimes we just have hella shit going on that we don't realize what we have and search for things that we don't have. 6th period was the best tho. It was mrs. roy's birthday<3 The 6mains which are Me, Mikha, Amanda, Peter, & Ayush came in late. Amanda made her a cake, daniel made the card. I gave her 6 water bottles and wrote on them because she's been wanting water every single day and our school got cheap so the water bottles are hella small. But okay, i wrote on them and set it on the floor for her to see during 3rd since i have t.a. So the 6 of us came in all together singing happy birthday<3 She looked Hellllllla happy<3 I love it. After school was super boring didn't do anything really. Jb took me home along with kg, vince, and gerald. Hella squished tho! And i was put in the back in the middle between vince and gerald. Haha. Came home and everything and didn't really do much. Told papa i was going to the football game and he said why you always going out! And i said welll it doesn't matter since i babysit jackjack every weekend. And he just said ok. Haha!<333 Thanks papa. Bus to nob hill and met up with ayush, fran, omair, and rob. They bought food. I just brought propel. Mmmm. And then we all walked to the game. The score was 50 to 7. HAHA! We're 50. Damn dude, we own!<3 Hahahha, chilled at the game and talked to amanda!<3 A lot. I'm hella glad we're getting close. I love it. We laughed a lot too cause idk she just funny crap. Mmm can you say stalker amanda?! Haha oh! and what about the women bible. And what's going to happen on monday? Oh man dude, we had some good ass talks. And jessica texted me for a bit. And even if it was short i started laughing once she said 'him and his ugly big ass nose' HAHAHAHHAHA! Oh my fxcking god. You're funny mama. hahahah. Sooo pretty much after the game LEROY 'THE GREAT' My favorite senior from freshman year took me home. Came home and my parents were in the living room waiting but were watching t.v. Once i came home papa went into his room. Haha what a looooser. Then my mom asked if i can curl her hair. Damn dude. So i curled her hair and i remembered that i was sneeking out with the guys tonight. Finished curling it around 11ish and she kept going in and out of my room showing what she should wear to work. After that it hit 11:30ish and i went to sleep so she wouldn't come check up on me. 12ish ayush called and i said don't pick me up yet idk if my moms deeply asleep. It was 1ish and i woke up. Called ayush and said what they we're doing and who they were with. They picked me up and off we go. Went to tyler's park and chilled and talked there for a bit. Besides allen and ayush that picked me up; carlos, kevin, rob, & tyler were there. We all talked just chilllled. It was hella cold tho. Then tyler and rob went home to tyler's house so we left. But i didn't want to go home yet cause it was early for me. So we just parked near my house and talked till 3:15ish. Kevin dropped carlos home cause there were 2 cars. Then i went home and didn't sleep till 4. Mama woke me up around 8ish to re-curl her hair. Fxck dude i was hella tired. And now jackjacks here and mama jessica is coming over to do her hw. Last night was a good night. Despite the akwardness around a couple of people.

9:35:20 PM

"a TRUE friend
can be taken for granted
and still be there no matter what."













Let me stop being stubborn first.
& be patient.

What's your problem?

School was alright today. Lunch was REALLY boring & i don't have free lunch anymore. So i bought lunch and sat and ate and etc etc. And allen brought his own food. OH MY! It looked pretty good and was a smart idea. Imma just start bringing my own lunch now. After school was chill. Untill ayush and i were talking about stuff when everyone already left and i started crying. Booo. Not his fault. It just finally hit me to the poiint where i can cry it all out. But it's whatever. Then khrys and i waited at school for her pops to pick us up to get free ice cream @ cold stone! :] But instead he just dropped us at my pad. Then jeremie picked us up. Him anthony khrystel and i went to the mall to get the free ice cream. I ate a little bit of it and then i gave the rest to khrystel. That shit did not taste soo good. Walked around for a bit and i got a weird call from someone. Turned out to be my cousin!<3 After walking around he picked khrystel and i along w/his friend and my brother in the car -_- Fatass. Johnson wanted In-N-Out but didn't have money! Wtf, are you stupid? Sooo i bought him food, but he owes me. Then dropped khrystel home and back to my place. Talked and chilled for awhile. Idk bout today...Everyone was like all mad and pissy. Fxck. Especially my mama! She's hella pmsing on me.*If i'm going to stop liking you i'm going to need to keep my distance from you. Today did not help it go away whatsoever. Walking around the mall and sitting down made it worse. Sitting down gave me a flashback. Boo! So if i'm going to get over it, i need to be nowhere near you. It doesn't help me. But we're friends, so it's not going to get anywhere farther then that, cause i heard you talking to someone. Mmmm already? I guess...



Oh yeah! And i finally get the shit mrs. cosgrove taught us in math today. She just has to be on my level in order for me to understand. Right branden!? HAHA! Ohh, and mama's car broke down right by oceans supermarket. Bummmmer hahaha. So my cousin, his friend, pops, and johnson went to go get it. And while they were gone, there was a car parked in front of my house. And the guy lives across from my house. So i asked him nicely if he can move his car and he gave me attiude and said no! WTF? Asshole much. Then my mom came into it and we started arguing with the stupid ass asian. Stupid fxcker. My mom wants to tow his truck, but we can't do that unless it's parked there for 3 days or more. This biiiitch. Haha whatever, so much for getting along and getting to know your neighbors. Fxck that! The only neighbor i'm close to in my neighborhood is my gramps and aunt and uncle! Hahahah<333 Who lives RIGHT in front of my house. Oh and another thing, gramps fell recently ;[ He hurt his arm, but i don't know about bad damages. It's coo, gramps always falls anyways. He just needs to be more careful about where he goes and walks. <333 LOVEYOOOU.

Caught by suprise.

So today went by pretty fast. Classes were alright cept for the fact that i was pretty tired in 4th. So i slept through people's presentations & before the bell was gonna ring for lunch i found out we have a clog rush. Idk if i'm going to join any clubs. I know leo f'sure tho. Seems interesting. Then i got a random text from jessica saying she was going to tutor me. Haha she read my blog -_-. <3 Chilled after school for a bit and khrystel and i ended up splitting. Mama jessica picked me up and we went to q-cup and frozos. Then came home and she transferred her notes into another notebook and i copied hw from Trevor. :/ HAHA! Whatever it was math class anyways. Fxck that class dude, oh! And i missed my counselours appointment. I wanted to finish the rest of the movie we were watching since i missed some of it in the begginning of class since Peter and Yush' and i were late. We both ended up finishing what we had to do so we ended up going to the mall. She got hookups, wooo! So she got her coats for the winter<3 And i got a jacket, a hat, grey jeans, and the shoes i wanted<3 THANKYOUMAMAJESSICA<3333333. Oh and she also got me earrings & a necklace. Boy, does she spoil me like her own child. Then for some odd reason my mom calls me yelling at me! Wtf, she calls and yells to me about me being with some guy in a white truck and hugging him and what not. Idk what the fxck she was talking about, but i feel HELLA bad. Dinner was canceled cause of me. Papa was mad too cause i didn't tell him i was leaving, my fault tho. I come home and my dad yells for like 2 mins. And i don't see my mom or my moms car anywhere, soo idk where she went. And about 40 mins later my mom comes home. Opening my door and saying 'all because of you' and she was crying. Damn dude, i need to keep my priorities straight. But i mean weekdays are the ONLY time i can go out. Since i'm cooped up at home every single damn weekend babysitting jackjack. So i take advantage of going out after school or some shit idk. Just 2 more years. And i'm out of this house. Even tho she always says go to college and make good money so you can buy a house for you and i to live in. I don't wanna leave her all alone since my dad is moving away from us when my brother and i both grad. But i need to grow up. I need to be independant. I actually don't know what to do.. OH and my grandpa is pretty stupid for telling my mom he say ME hugging some guy in a white car when it was most likely khrystel leaving with her dad to go home. Fxcking old people. Sorry gramps, i love you and all, but you just fxcked me up.

I'll deal

Everything is overwhelming me.
I'm just gonna do me.
Everything else can fall into place itself.
I know things will get better.

Damn it.

So much stuff is going on! Let's start off w/...




SCHOOL-I haven't been really concentrating at all. I've been so distracted w/a boy or wanting a relationship to make me happy. And i need to realize that i DONT NEED IT. I need to focus. Seriously tho. Idk how, but it needs to get into my head that i need to focus on school. Everyone says that but are they really? Cause im not. Idk what to do. I need a tutor in math, i want to NOT chill during lunch and go to the libary and do my hw or some shit. I don't even know how to study. I can't sit there and memorize shit. I hate doing that. It never works. So let's start w/classes now.
1st-Ms. Lowe, i really don't think she likes me. Or at least secretly she doesn't. I always talk to jackie, which is fine for me<3 Haha! But idk it's a pretty easy class, i just need to concentrate now. And which i have on friday! I was late tho, i did my test but it wasn't finished because i was late. So i ended up not doing 10 problems. Fxck. And the fact that shaina left that class and didn't even TRY hard enough to get back kinda upset me. Things still aren't good for us. Or at least that's what i think. And 1st is the time where i need to copy 2nd periods hw. But i can't cause ms. lowe is to my right and she can just move her head and see me. But fxck idk. CONCENTRATE.
2nd-Mrs. Cosgrove. FXCKFXCKFXCKFXCKFXCK that class. I don't learn shit! I can't learn shit! She teaches to fast, actually the way she teaches in general just doesn't work out for me. She's new and everything so i kinda understand but that doesn't give me an excuse to fail that class. I literally do nothing in that class. I try to pay attention but it never works out for me. One time i did my hw after school and i finished but only cause i understood what she was teaching us for once. Fxck and we can't switch classes or anything, i think? Idk. Oh and did i mention i'm failing ms.lowe too? That's 2 f's already. Let's see who else's class i'm failing..
BRUNCH-The time where chuck usually gets me to get brunch. But since i don't have Free lunch anymore i don't know what the fxck is happening. But brunch is the time where i 'want to run into anthony' Fxck idk what it's about but it's just him in general that attracts me. I really don't want to like him, seriously but idk. I need to brush that off. I need to brush guys off[period].
3rd-Mr.'legweak' Aka Armstrong. That class is whatever. He gives us work to do for like 10 mins or less and jeremie and i are done w/nothing else to do but walk around. And that's where i want to go to ms.leggins class just to see A. BOO! I don't wanna visit as often anymore. So for now on i'm just gonna do late work or hw or something in that class to pass the time instead of walking around all the time doing didly squat.
4th-Mrs.Mellera. Facing History & Ourselves. I really like that class. It makes me think. A LOT. and it makes me notice the little things that people say or do about others. Idk, but i want a really good grade in that class. Even tho it's just an elective. We watch a lot of movies tho. That's a plusplusplusplus. Cause i get tired and i just usually take a nap. Not much happens in this class.
LUNCH-I wait for chuck and we go to the lockers then we get lunch. Walk back to the tables and we don't do shit. I'm so tired of it. Why is school so boring. Why aren't my friends as fun as they used to be during lunch. Or maybe it's just me... Idk. I literally feel out of place now. Like i shouldn't be there or they don't want me there or something. I just don't like the feeling at all.
5th-Mr.Henthshke? SPELLCHECK. FXCK dude! I'm failing this class f'sure! I have david john and danilo. HUGE distraction. We always talk and never do work. This is my 2nd time taking bio. And this is my first science. And we need 2 years of it. Damnit. I need to talk to my counselour. PRONTO. Oh! And did i mention i'm always late to this damn class? Fxck i've been late 4 times already.
6th-Mrs. Roy I love this class<3 That's it. That's the only class that i can be really happy in.



Ok now FRIENDS.
S. and i are NOT in good terms right now. I don't know if she realizes it, but she is way to sprung! like seriously. I understand you're in love, but stop the neglection and taking other for granted. Like me. I can never go to you anymore. It's useless. The only friend that's ALWAYS there for me 24/7 is khrystel. I mean jessica's always there, but mainly when she's not busy. And lately she's been pretty busy. I don't blame her she has school and work and everything and no time to hang out w/me as often as we used to. Time to get used to that too. Fxck, nothing is going the way i want it too. It's not making me happy. Carlos always tells and asks me to stop being or why am i being so mad. And honestly i think i have been. I've been mad at myself, for not realizing what i have in life. But now that i think of it. What do i have?


Family is no problem. We have fights every now and then but they're family<3


Boys.
Fxck, why am i thinking about wanting or having the feeling of being a relationship so bad? I'm happy, but i wanna be more happy knowing i have a boyfriend. WHY. I don't need it. It's just i want it. I had the feeling for like 3 days, but that's pretty much it. And to tell you the truth, i love that feeling. Kisses on the hands, holding hands, his arm around me while walking. Kisses on the cheeks. Bites on my nose, i know weird, but the cutest thing a guy can do<3 And he did it all. He was the perfect example of the guy i wanted. The one that calls me during the day asking what i'm doing and where i'm at. Then calling me later on at night to talk to me before he sleeps. And i got so immune to it, that idk. It just made me happy. It made me happy hearing my phone ring and then his name while the song is playing. Crap, idk. But everything we did was 'unhealthy' for him. So whatever. We stopped. And i needa get over it.
& for C. he stopped liking me. He has a new girl now :] And i'm semi happy. I'm happy for him, but i like it when a guy likes me. But i guess it's for the best, it wasn't gonna go anywhere for me and him. And it'll go somewhere for him and his girl. I'm happy for you. It would've been nice if i was someone's first girlfriend and everything, but she can fill in that spot. Just know that i'm always here for you. And there's always gonna be a little feeling that i like you. But we both know it won't go anywhere from what we have now. But we're not even as close as we used to be. And i'm getting pretty sad about that. We needa talk. About everything. Clear things up and what not.
Now K. he still calls me everynight. But we don't talk as long as we used too. Idk what it is, but damn. The talks used to be up to 2 hours and now it's less than 10 mins. We just need to manage the time. It's fine. It's just a little bump in our friendship. I'm not worried.

A.

asshole.

No more

Yay, i think it's better off that way tho.
He's all about fun and games.
I want something serious now.

Jessica

does spoil me.. I<3IT & Her♥

Craigslist

'You're so weird'
<3 KISSES.

Football game.

"YAY YAY"
HAHA right mama jessica?
Sooo yesterday i came home a little bit earlier then i usually do from a school day, and because of that was because i wanted to go to the football game. I got home around 4 and i just basiclly did nothing till jessica came over. When she came over we chilled for awhile and decided to go to Jamba Juice, going there we went to go visit her friend. And before that we wanted to go eat, but not knowing where we just kept thinking and thinking...then she just said let's go to in-n-out then. Went home ate and just chiillllled. Having the house being so hot we went to frozo's and the game. She's had frozo's this WHOLE week and i've had it at least 3 times this weeka already? Then FOOTBALL GAME. I was excited. I love football games. It's just a great way to chill with everyone. And the guys get really excited over the game and the players, so that was pretty interesting and entertaining. Hahaha, pretty much it. Got home around 11? Didn't get in trouble tho'. My day went by pretty fast. I'm kinda to lazy to go into details tho' GOODBYE.

$$$$$

Money is a big issue for me. I don't know how to save for shit!
So what i did today.
-Schoool
-Frozo's w/jessica +others.
-Mall w/jessica and daniel
-Shopped! Only a little tho
-Dropped Daniel home
-Jamba Juice
-Staples
-Michaels
-Best Buys
-Borders
-& home!

No liiiife

I stayed home all day and watched jackjack. Pretty much it.

Worth The Trouble

Baby carlos's surprise party was a hit! Shaina did a great ass job planning this shit. I don't know how she did it. But she did! So it pretty much started out with jessica picking me up. Since i had to babysit i told my brother to cover and ill get back by 6. Paying him $10 i thought it was pretty much worth it. But since carlos won't be at the house till 5:30 that just leaves me with 30 mins to chill and just go home. So fxck my life dude, i decided to stay. But when jessica and i arrived, we saw rob kevin and brother tony leave the house, and we're just like where are you guys going? And they said that since no one was in the house they're gonna go to the mall for a bit. Soo we decided to just go w/. And we went to the hatstore for kevin cause he wanted to buy a hat and all of a sudden we see carlos and his family! What theee. So while kevin was trying on his hat rob brother tony and i hid by the corner, hoping he wouldn't see us or come into the shop. Which he didn't thank god. He left after like 10 mins. Then we went back to the house cause shay and them were already there. Waited for carlos and set up the house. Carlos was Reaaaaally surprised. & extremlly happy<3 I think he teared up a bit, but he said he didn't. LIES. Hahaa. Soo after pretty much surpising him EVERYONE ate. Hella starving or what? Hahah! And then we just chilled. Like normal. Pretty much what we always do at carlos's but this time it was like the WHOLE group+more<3. Like nicole meghan rico and mikha<3 More girls! Yay. Thenn i decided to leave like at 7. And instead of doing what i should have done i decided to stay longer. Then we played rugball! And my bus was going to leave at 8:06. And since we started playing at 7:45 i said fxck this. I'm going to play. So i played w/out noticing the time. Jessica and i were pretty competitive. Hahaha!<3 We both fell, now my side of the knee really hurts. Oh well, oh how i miss rugball tho! DAMN. Missing my 3rd bus i just said fxck it. I'm already in trouble i might as well just stay. Mama and papa didn't call till it was 10. That's where i had 8 missed calls. But 2 were from like anthony..i think he's mad at me tho. Oh welll. Kay so after playing we all rested. Cake time! Yay!<3 Ice cream cake was reaaallly good. But i only had one. Then after cake it was time for dancing! Which we did, but not much of it was going on. Mainly the girls. That was all fun and games and a lot of people ended up stop dancing and we just played basketball and chilled. Then it hit 10:25, and i said shit i needa get home now. Throughout the whollllle party, in the back of my head i just kept thinking about getting in trouble. But whatever. I was gonna ask mama for a ride home, but jessica said she was going to leave anyways. Soo she decided to take me home. I came home and my brother was HELLLA bitchin' at me. He wouldnt stfu. Seriously tho' he was just talkin' hella and way to loud. But i went into my room, to go change and act like i was home for a while already, and right before i was going to change my pants i hear papa open his door. Aw fxck dude. He went into the kitchen and to the front door to see if i was there. I walked to the front door and said dad im home. Oh my..he yelled REALLY loud but only for like 3 mins. Then i just went back into my room. It wass done. Mama didn't even yell at me. And so my day was done. I talked to kevin for 2 hours. It made up for the other night cause i didn't talk to him. So thenn the next morning mama calls and i thought she was gonna yell at me but she just called to ask to see what i wanted to eat. She came home and brought us food and brought up that i came home late, and i just said dad yelled at me already. And she stopped. Soo now im here doing nothing cause jackjack is sleeping and my mama and brother went to go recycle cans. Wellps, yesterday was totally worth it. *OH! And my best and i are pretty much okay now. We didn't talk about it but we will soon. I just told her we needed to talk. Sooo we'll see what happens later on.

That's Akward.

You said hi to me yesterday. & gave me a 'i like your outfit' compliment. And i appreciate it but it was still akward for me. Like REALLY weird. It'd like we're not even best friends anymore. More like associates. Whaaack! Idk you talked to me more today then you did all week! What the fxck?
Kay whatever, i'm still happier now then i was first day of school. I'll get over it. DONE WITH.

I want

To hate you, but i can't. Because you are my bestfriend. & i am going to be here whenever you need me. Trust.


















*JESSICA GOT HER TATTOO TODAY! Yaay.

Cheesecake Factory

WAS SO GOOOD!<3 As usualll<3 Mama picked me up later after school. We we were hungry and she wanted cheesecake fact. and since i've never had it before WHY NOT! =) It was really good tho' especially for someone who loves pasta. And was reaaally craving it....



So today was a reg. day. Since it was a short day it went by pretty fast. I'm glad i have my own locker, im glad im becoming independent, and im glad that i have people around me that can make my day better. Schools alright. Getting better day by day tho'. And i am prefectly fine w/my schedule now. I have T.A. w/jeremie! Hahah ARMSTRONG. Yush', chuck, ryan santos, jesse, efi! Oh myyy. Bad. But yeaah, uhm stayed after school for a while. Did my hw at school on a sep.table w/juan. Most of the guys went to Piedmont High to visit i guess. Oh! And it's babycakes birthday today! Yay. Uhmm then we all walked to Nob Hill and that's where Mama Jessica picked me up...





Then later at homee, khrystel was already here and darion and my brother. And all 3 of em' were just on the couch talking which is really unsual. But then they told me the electricty shut down. So they had nothing better to do. We sat and talk etc etc etc. Mama did the back side of my hw, she said im stupid :[ BOOO. Hahah uhm then darion left. Khrystel left to get her clothes.. And mama jessica wanted to braid my hair. Soo got my hair wet w/conditioner this time! Khrystel came back. And while braiding my hair the lights came back on! Yay. Then jessica chilled for a bit then left. Khrystel stayed for a whle and left also. Soo im stuck here at home blogging and im done w/my hw too! =) 'Yay me!'