100%

I'm pretty much to the point where i'm ALMOST 100% happy.







<3 BEST!!!!!








*Today i fell asleep in 4th & i caught myself snoring -_-

Good talks.

When i really think about it i had some pretty good talks last night. Whether it was a short convo. or a long one. Schoool same ol' same o'l. 4th period was pretty crazy tho. We went to the computer lab today and we were searhcing for info about the cambodian genocide. Damn dude, WE have it good. Better than others i suppose. Sometimes we just have hella shit going on that we don't realize what we have and search for things that we don't have. 6th period was the best tho. It was mrs. roy's birthday<3 The 6mains which are Me, Mikha, Amanda, Peter, & Ayush came in late. Amanda made her a cake, daniel made the card. I gave her 6 water bottles and wrote on them because she's been wanting water every single day and our school got cheap so the water bottles are hella small. But okay, i wrote on them and set it on the floor for her to see during 3rd since i have t.a. So the 6 of us came in all together singing happy birthday<3 She looked Hellllllla happy<3 I love it. After school was super boring didn't do anything really. Jb took me home along with kg, vince, and gerald. Hella squished tho! And i was put in the back in the middle between vince and gerald. Haha. Came home and everything and didn't really do much. Told papa i was going to the football game and he said why you always going out! And i said welll it doesn't matter since i babysit jackjack every weekend. And he just said ok. Haha!<333 Thanks papa. Bus to nob hill and met up with ayush, fran, omair, and rob. They bought food. I just brought propel. Mmmm. And then we all walked to the game. The score was 50 to 7. HAHA! We're 50. Damn dude, we own!<3 Hahahha, chilled at the game and talked to amanda!<3 A lot. I'm hella glad we're getting close. I love it. We laughed a lot too cause idk she just funny crap. Mmm can you say stalker amanda?! Haha oh! and what about the women bible. And what's going to happen on monday? Oh man dude, we had some good ass talks. And jessica texted me for a bit. And even if it was short i started laughing once she said 'him and his ugly big ass nose' HAHAHAHHAHA! Oh my fxcking god. You're funny mama. hahahah. Sooo pretty much after the game LEROY 'THE GREAT' My favorite senior from freshman year took me home. Came home and my parents were in the living room waiting but were watching t.v. Once i came home papa went into his room. Haha what a looooser. Then my mom asked if i can curl her hair. Damn dude. So i curled her hair and i remembered that i was sneeking out with the guys tonight. Finished curling it around 11ish and she kept going in and out of my room showing what she should wear to work. After that it hit 11:30ish and i went to sleep so she wouldn't come check up on me. 12ish ayush called and i said don't pick me up yet idk if my moms deeply asleep. It was 1ish and i woke up. Called ayush and said what they we're doing and who they were with. They picked me up and off we go. Went to tyler's park and chilled and talked there for a bit. Besides allen and ayush that picked me up; carlos, kevin, rob, & tyler were there. We all talked just chilllled. It was hella cold tho. Then tyler and rob went home to tyler's house so we left. But i didn't want to go home yet cause it was early for me. So we just parked near my house and talked till 3:15ish. Kevin dropped carlos home cause there were 2 cars. Then i went home and didn't sleep till 4. Mama woke me up around 8ish to re-curl her hair. Fxck dude i was hella tired. And now jackjacks here and mama jessica is coming over to do her hw. Last night was a good night. Despite the akwardness around a couple of people.

9:35:20 PM

"a TRUE friend
can be taken for granted
and still be there no matter what."













Let me stop being stubborn first.
& be patient.

What's your problem?

School was alright today. Lunch was REALLY boring & i don't have free lunch anymore. So i bought lunch and sat and ate and etc etc. And allen brought his own food. OH MY! It looked pretty good and was a smart idea. Imma just start bringing my own lunch now. After school was chill. Untill ayush and i were talking about stuff when everyone already left and i started crying. Booo. Not his fault. It just finally hit me to the poiint where i can cry it all out. But it's whatever. Then khrys and i waited at school for her pops to pick us up to get free ice cream @ cold stone! :] But instead he just dropped us at my pad. Then jeremie picked us up. Him anthony khrystel and i went to the mall to get the free ice cream. I ate a little bit of it and then i gave the rest to khrystel. That shit did not taste soo good. Walked around for a bit and i got a weird call from someone. Turned out to be my cousin!<3 After walking around he picked khrystel and i along w/his friend and my brother in the car -_- Fatass. Johnson wanted In-N-Out but didn't have money! Wtf, are you stupid? Sooo i bought him food, but he owes me. Then dropped khrystel home and back to my place. Talked and chilled for awhile. Idk bout today...Everyone was like all mad and pissy. Fxck. Especially my mama! She's hella pmsing on me.*If i'm going to stop liking you i'm going to need to keep my distance from you. Today did not help it go away whatsoever. Walking around the mall and sitting down made it worse. Sitting down gave me a flashback. Boo! So if i'm going to get over it, i need to be nowhere near you. It doesn't help me. But we're friends, so it's not going to get anywhere farther then that, cause i heard you talking to someone. Mmmm already? I guess...



Oh yeah! And i finally get the shit mrs. cosgrove taught us in math today. She just has to be on my level in order for me to understand. Right branden!? HAHA! Ohh, and mama's car broke down right by oceans supermarket. Bummmmer hahaha. So my cousin, his friend, pops, and johnson went to go get it. And while they were gone, there was a car parked in front of my house. And the guy lives across from my house. So i asked him nicely if he can move his car and he gave me attiude and said no! WTF? Asshole much. Then my mom came into it and we started arguing with the stupid ass asian. Stupid fxcker. My mom wants to tow his truck, but we can't do that unless it's parked there for 3 days or more. This biiiitch. Haha whatever, so much for getting along and getting to know your neighbors. Fxck that! The only neighbor i'm close to in my neighborhood is my gramps and aunt and uncle! Hahahah<333 Who lives RIGHT in front of my house. Oh and another thing, gramps fell recently ;[ He hurt his arm, but i don't know about bad damages. It's coo, gramps always falls anyways. He just needs to be more careful about where he goes and walks. <333 LOVEYOOOU.

Caught by suprise.

So today went by pretty fast. Classes were alright cept for the fact that i was pretty tired in 4th. So i slept through people's presentations & before the bell was gonna ring for lunch i found out we have a clog rush. Idk if i'm going to join any clubs. I know leo f'sure tho. Seems interesting. Then i got a random text from jessica saying she was going to tutor me. Haha she read my blog -_-. <3 Chilled after school for a bit and khrystel and i ended up splitting. Mama jessica picked me up and we went to q-cup and frozos. Then came home and she transferred her notes into another notebook and i copied hw from Trevor. :/ HAHA! Whatever it was math class anyways. Fxck that class dude, oh! And i missed my counselours appointment. I wanted to finish the rest of the movie we were watching since i missed some of it in the begginning of class since Peter and Yush' and i were late. We both ended up finishing what we had to do so we ended up going to the mall. She got hookups, wooo! So she got her coats for the winter<3 And i got a jacket, a hat, grey jeans, and the shoes i wanted<3 THANKYOUMAMAJESSICA<3333333. Oh and she also got me earrings & a necklace. Boy, does she spoil me like her own child. Then for some odd reason my mom calls me yelling at me! Wtf, she calls and yells to me about me being with some guy in a white truck and hugging him and what not. Idk what the fxck she was talking about, but i feel HELLA bad. Dinner was canceled cause of me. Papa was mad too cause i didn't tell him i was leaving, my fault tho. I come home and my dad yells for like 2 mins. And i don't see my mom or my moms car anywhere, soo idk where she went. And about 40 mins later my mom comes home. Opening my door and saying 'all because of you' and she was crying. Damn dude, i need to keep my priorities straight. But i mean weekdays are the ONLY time i can go out. Since i'm cooped up at home every single damn weekend babysitting jackjack. So i take advantage of going out after school or some shit idk. Just 2 more years. And i'm out of this house. Even tho she always says go to college and make good money so you can buy a house for you and i to live in. I don't wanna leave her all alone since my dad is moving away from us when my brother and i both grad. But i need to grow up. I need to be independant. I actually don't know what to do.. OH and my grandpa is pretty stupid for telling my mom he say ME hugging some guy in a white car when it was most likely khrystel leaving with her dad to go home. Fxcking old people. Sorry gramps, i love you and all, but you just fxcked me up.

I'll deal

Everything is overwhelming me.
I'm just gonna do me.
Everything else can fall into place itself.
I know things will get better.

Damn it.

So much stuff is going on! Let's start off w/...




SCHOOL-I haven't been really concentrating at all. I've been so distracted w/a boy or wanting a relationship to make me happy. And i need to realize that i DONT NEED IT. I need to focus. Seriously tho. Idk how, but it needs to get into my head that i need to focus on school. Everyone says that but are they really? Cause im not. Idk what to do. I need a tutor in math, i want to NOT chill during lunch and go to the libary and do my hw or some shit. I don't even know how to study. I can't sit there and memorize shit. I hate doing that. It never works. So let's start w/classes now.
1st-Ms. Lowe, i really don't think she likes me. Or at least secretly she doesn't. I always talk to jackie, which is fine for me<3 Haha! But idk it's a pretty easy class, i just need to concentrate now. And which i have on friday! I was late tho, i did my test but it wasn't finished because i was late. So i ended up not doing 10 problems. Fxck. And the fact that shaina left that class and didn't even TRY hard enough to get back kinda upset me. Things still aren't good for us. Or at least that's what i think. And 1st is the time where i need to copy 2nd periods hw. But i can't cause ms. lowe is to my right and she can just move her head and see me. But fxck idk. CONCENTRATE.
2nd-Mrs. Cosgrove. FXCKFXCKFXCKFXCKFXCK that class. I don't learn shit! I can't learn shit! She teaches to fast, actually the way she teaches in general just doesn't work out for me. She's new and everything so i kinda understand but that doesn't give me an excuse to fail that class. I literally do nothing in that class. I try to pay attention but it never works out for me. One time i did my hw after school and i finished but only cause i understood what she was teaching us for once. Fxck and we can't switch classes or anything, i think? Idk. Oh and did i mention i'm failing ms.lowe too? That's 2 f's already. Let's see who else's class i'm failing..
BRUNCH-The time where chuck usually gets me to get brunch. But since i don't have Free lunch anymore i don't know what the fxck is happening. But brunch is the time where i 'want to run into anthony' Fxck idk what it's about but it's just him in general that attracts me. I really don't want to like him, seriously but idk. I need to brush that off. I need to brush guys off[period].
3rd-Mr.'legweak' Aka Armstrong. That class is whatever. He gives us work to do for like 10 mins or less and jeremie and i are done w/nothing else to do but walk around. And that's where i want to go to ms.leggins class just to see A. BOO! I don't wanna visit as often anymore. So for now on i'm just gonna do late work or hw or something in that class to pass the time instead of walking around all the time doing didly squat.
4th-Mrs.Mellera. Facing History & Ourselves. I really like that class. It makes me think. A LOT. and it makes me notice the little things that people say or do about others. Idk, but i want a really good grade in that class. Even tho it's just an elective. We watch a lot of movies tho. That's a plusplusplusplus. Cause i get tired and i just usually take a nap. Not much happens in this class.
LUNCH-I wait for chuck and we go to the lockers then we get lunch. Walk back to the tables and we don't do shit. I'm so tired of it. Why is school so boring. Why aren't my friends as fun as they used to be during lunch. Or maybe it's just me... Idk. I literally feel out of place now. Like i shouldn't be there or they don't want me there or something. I just don't like the feeling at all.
5th-Mr.Henthshke? SPELLCHECK. FXCK dude! I'm failing this class f'sure! I have david john and danilo. HUGE distraction. We always talk and never do work. This is my 2nd time taking bio. And this is my first science. And we need 2 years of it. Damnit. I need to talk to my counselour. PRONTO. Oh! And did i mention i'm always late to this damn class? Fxck i've been late 4 times already.
6th-Mrs. Roy I love this class<3 That's it. That's the only class that i can be really happy in.



Ok now FRIENDS.
S. and i are NOT in good terms right now. I don't know if she realizes it, but she is way to sprung! like seriously. I understand you're in love, but stop the neglection and taking other for granted. Like me. I can never go to you anymore. It's useless. The only friend that's ALWAYS there for me 24/7 is khrystel. I mean jessica's always there, but mainly when she's not busy. And lately she's been pretty busy. I don't blame her she has school and work and everything and no time to hang out w/me as often as we used to. Time to get used to that too. Fxck, nothing is going the way i want it too. It's not making me happy. Carlos always tells and asks me to stop being or why am i being so mad. And honestly i think i have been. I've been mad at myself, for not realizing what i have in life. But now that i think of it. What do i have?


Family is no problem. We have fights every now and then but they're family<3


Boys.
Fxck, why am i thinking about wanting or having the feeling of being a relationship so bad? I'm happy, but i wanna be more happy knowing i have a boyfriend. WHY. I don't need it. It's just i want it. I had the feeling for like 3 days, but that's pretty much it. And to tell you the truth, i love that feeling. Kisses on the hands, holding hands, his arm around me while walking. Kisses on the cheeks. Bites on my nose, i know weird, but the cutest thing a guy can do<3 And he did it all. He was the perfect example of the guy i wanted. The one that calls me during the day asking what i'm doing and where i'm at. Then calling me later on at night to talk to me before he sleeps. And i got so immune to it, that idk. It just made me happy. It made me happy hearing my phone ring and then his name while the song is playing. Crap, idk. But everything we did was 'unhealthy' for him. So whatever. We stopped. And i needa get over it.
& for C. he stopped liking me. He has a new girl now :] And i'm semi happy. I'm happy for him, but i like it when a guy likes me. But i guess it's for the best, it wasn't gonna go anywhere for me and him. And it'll go somewhere for him and his girl. I'm happy for you. It would've been nice if i was someone's first girlfriend and everything, but she can fill in that spot. Just know that i'm always here for you. And there's always gonna be a little feeling that i like you. But we both know it won't go anywhere from what we have now. But we're not even as close as we used to be. And i'm getting pretty sad about that. We needa talk. About everything. Clear things up and what not.
Now K. he still calls me everynight. But we don't talk as long as we used too. Idk what it is, but damn. The talks used to be up to 2 hours and now it's less than 10 mins. We just need to manage the time. It's fine. It's just a little bump in our friendship. I'm not worried.

A.

asshole.

No more

Yay, i think it's better off that way tho.
He's all about fun and games.
I want something serious now.

Jessica

does spoil me.. I<3IT & Her♥

Craigslist

'You're so weird'
<3 KISSES.

Football game.

"YAY YAY"
HAHA right mama jessica?
Sooo yesterday i came home a little bit earlier then i usually do from a school day, and because of that was because i wanted to go to the football game. I got home around 4 and i just basiclly did nothing till jessica came over. When she came over we chilled for awhile and decided to go to Jamba Juice, going there we went to go visit her friend. And before that we wanted to go eat, but not knowing where we just kept thinking and thinking...then she just said let's go to in-n-out then. Went home ate and just chiillllled. Having the house being so hot we went to frozo's and the game. She's had frozo's this WHOLE week and i've had it at least 3 times this weeka already? Then FOOTBALL GAME. I was excited. I love football games. It's just a great way to chill with everyone. And the guys get really excited over the game and the players, so that was pretty interesting and entertaining. Hahaha, pretty much it. Got home around 11? Didn't get in trouble tho'. My day went by pretty fast. I'm kinda to lazy to go into details tho' GOODBYE.

$$$$$

Money is a big issue for me. I don't know how to save for shit!
So what i did today.
-Schoool
-Frozo's w/jessica +others.
-Mall w/jessica and daniel
-Shopped! Only a little tho
-Dropped Daniel home
-Jamba Juice
-Staples
-Michaels
-Best Buys
-Borders
-& home!

No liiiife

I stayed home all day and watched jackjack. Pretty much it.