Damn it.

So much stuff is going on! Let's start off w/...




SCHOOL-I haven't been really concentrating at all. I've been so distracted w/a boy or wanting a relationship to make me happy. And i need to realize that i DONT NEED IT. I need to focus. Seriously tho. Idk how, but it needs to get into my head that i need to focus on school. Everyone says that but are they really? Cause im not. Idk what to do. I need a tutor in math, i want to NOT chill during lunch and go to the libary and do my hw or some shit. I don't even know how to study. I can't sit there and memorize shit. I hate doing that. It never works. So let's start w/classes now.
1st-Ms. Lowe, i really don't think she likes me. Or at least secretly she doesn't. I always talk to jackie, which is fine for me<3 Haha! But idk it's a pretty easy class, i just need to concentrate now. And which i have on friday! I was late tho, i did my test but it wasn't finished because i was late. So i ended up not doing 10 problems. Fxck. And the fact that shaina left that class and didn't even TRY hard enough to get back kinda upset me. Things still aren't good for us. Or at least that's what i think. And 1st is the time where i need to copy 2nd periods hw. But i can't cause ms. lowe is to my right and she can just move her head and see me. But fxck idk. CONCENTRATE.
2nd-Mrs. Cosgrove. FXCKFXCKFXCKFXCKFXCK that class. I don't learn shit! I can't learn shit! She teaches to fast, actually the way she teaches in general just doesn't work out for me. She's new and everything so i kinda understand but that doesn't give me an excuse to fail that class. I literally do nothing in that class. I try to pay attention but it never works out for me. One time i did my hw after school and i finished but only cause i understood what she was teaching us for once. Fxck and we can't switch classes or anything, i think? Idk. Oh and did i mention i'm failing ms.lowe too? That's 2 f's already. Let's see who else's class i'm failing..
BRUNCH-The time where chuck usually gets me to get brunch. But since i don't have Free lunch anymore i don't know what the fxck is happening. But brunch is the time where i 'want to run into anthony' Fxck idk what it's about but it's just him in general that attracts me. I really don't want to like him, seriously but idk. I need to brush that off. I need to brush guys off[period].
3rd-Mr.'legweak' Aka Armstrong. That class is whatever. He gives us work to do for like 10 mins or less and jeremie and i are done w/nothing else to do but walk around. And that's where i want to go to ms.leggins class just to see A. BOO! I don't wanna visit as often anymore. So for now on i'm just gonna do late work or hw or something in that class to pass the time instead of walking around all the time doing didly squat.
4th-Mrs.Mellera. Facing History & Ourselves. I really like that class. It makes me think. A LOT. and it makes me notice the little things that people say or do about others. Idk, but i want a really good grade in that class. Even tho it's just an elective. We watch a lot of movies tho. That's a plusplusplusplus. Cause i get tired and i just usually take a nap. Not much happens in this class.
LUNCH-I wait for chuck and we go to the lockers then we get lunch. Walk back to the tables and we don't do shit. I'm so tired of it. Why is school so boring. Why aren't my friends as fun as they used to be during lunch. Or maybe it's just me... Idk. I literally feel out of place now. Like i shouldn't be there or they don't want me there or something. I just don't like the feeling at all.
5th-Mr.Henthshke? SPELLCHECK. FXCK dude! I'm failing this class f'sure! I have david john and danilo. HUGE distraction. We always talk and never do work. This is my 2nd time taking bio. And this is my first science. And we need 2 years of it. Damnit. I need to talk to my counselour. PRONTO. Oh! And did i mention i'm always late to this damn class? Fxck i've been late 4 times already.
6th-Mrs. Roy I love this class<3 That's it. That's the only class that i can be really happy in.



Ok now FRIENDS.
S. and i are NOT in good terms right now. I don't know if she realizes it, but she is way to sprung! like seriously. I understand you're in love, but stop the neglection and taking other for granted. Like me. I can never go to you anymore. It's useless. The only friend that's ALWAYS there for me 24/7 is khrystel. I mean jessica's always there, but mainly when she's not busy. And lately she's been pretty busy. I don't blame her she has school and work and everything and no time to hang out w/me as often as we used to. Time to get used to that too. Fxck, nothing is going the way i want it too. It's not making me happy. Carlos always tells and asks me to stop being or why am i being so mad. And honestly i think i have been. I've been mad at myself, for not realizing what i have in life. But now that i think of it. What do i have?


Family is no problem. We have fights every now and then but they're family<3


Boys.
Fxck, why am i thinking about wanting or having the feeling of being a relationship so bad? I'm happy, but i wanna be more happy knowing i have a boyfriend. WHY. I don't need it. It's just i want it. I had the feeling for like 3 days, but that's pretty much it. And to tell you the truth, i love that feeling. Kisses on the hands, holding hands, his arm around me while walking. Kisses on the cheeks. Bites on my nose, i know weird, but the cutest thing a guy can do<3 And he did it all. He was the perfect example of the guy i wanted. The one that calls me during the day asking what i'm doing and where i'm at. Then calling me later on at night to talk to me before he sleeps. And i got so immune to it, that idk. It just made me happy. It made me happy hearing my phone ring and then his name while the song is playing. Crap, idk. But everything we did was 'unhealthy' for him. So whatever. We stopped. And i needa get over it.
& for C. he stopped liking me. He has a new girl now :] And i'm semi happy. I'm happy for him, but i like it when a guy likes me. But i guess it's for the best, it wasn't gonna go anywhere for me and him. And it'll go somewhere for him and his girl. I'm happy for you. It would've been nice if i was someone's first girlfriend and everything, but she can fill in that spot. Just know that i'm always here for you. And there's always gonna be a little feeling that i like you. But we both know it won't go anywhere from what we have now. But we're not even as close as we used to be. And i'm getting pretty sad about that. We needa talk. About everything. Clear things up and what not.
Now K. he still calls me everynight. But we don't talk as long as we used too. Idk what it is, but damn. The talks used to be up to 2 hours and now it's less than 10 mins. We just need to manage the time. It's fine. It's just a little bump in our friendship. I'm not worried.