Loooks like

i'm not going to winterball ;//

Christmas

or actually winter i should say makes me feel hella alone. Although i can still share it with my friends+family, it makes me want someone [physically//emotionally] to share it with.. you know? And especially with all these random hookups it makes me go like AFGADHRB! Shit dude, everywhere. Even more than before! Idk, maybe i'm over thinking it, but i mean i can't help ittt. Everywhere i go it connects to something else that deals with a couple or something. Shoot. Ok, i needa snap out of it. Now all i'm thinking about is this coat i SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN at the mall ;/ UHG, haha<3333

& this one too..

But the red one was my favorite! I went back to the mall later on that day somewhat in the morning with shay to buy it cause i had money. I come back and it's gone! :[ they had a medium but that shit fitted like it was a large! Crapola. But i can't wait to do secret santa and start making my christmas list +go shopping with mama for my christmas presents. Yeah..we do it our way. Instead of her suprising me what she got for me, i end up going shopping with her. I wasn't really into that whole christmas thing, untill my friends got me excited for it. I'm really just excited to spend some of my christmas week with them<3 Other than that, family wise isn't so spirited...

I loveee it

when the guys visit! My moms so chill about them coming over now..I guess it doesn't matter to them that they're boys in the house. I'm kinna'glad papa left. Cause uh i probably wouldn't be able to have them over -__- But whatever it's coool. <333

Potluck

wasn't so much of a potluck, but it was still hella chill. I can't wait until Saturday tho!!

I'm

excited for potluck tomorrow and movies on saturday!
yayyayayay.

Last night

was veryyyy fun. I enjoyed the music+the energy all my friends had. && I'm very proud of my friend's performance last night. Once they were on stage i was like damn! I knew they were talented and all, but like deeeum they're really really talented to have the courage to perform and shit <3 Love em'. So yeah day started out with school and what nott. The day was going pretty swell. My mom had the day off but she didn't wake up till like 3:3pm. HAHA! Damn mama. But yeah, i came home around 4 and my mom was still in bed. I didn't really do anything once i got home b/c chung & robert was gonna pick me up around 4:30ish. I was kinda scared to ask or i mean tell my mom i was going to the piedmonts concert but she said she was getting in the shower. Once she said that i was like YESS! This is going to be easy..once she got into the shower 10 mins later i went in and said mom i'm going to a concert. She kinda yelled and said what concert where and what time are you coming home. I said it's starting at 5 and ending around 8:30. And i just left :) Woooo, once i got to piedmont i called my mom to say thanks for letting me for and what not, but she didn't pick up. She called me back but before i could say anything she just said ok, have fun bye. <333 Goodness, i really think it's easier that my dad is gone. She's more leanient when it comes to me going out. Yes yes yes. Last night was cold but pretty fun. CCS+Gabe+Reynard<3333 Reynard has the softest voice eva'! Mmmhm! And Gabe is short, but that doesn't matta' cause he can play. CCS Haha that pakistan guy made me laugh. He's funny the guy in the light blue sweater is a cuuutay! And The other one kept lookin' at me & twin. Yay yay but then again he was looking at everyone else so whatever' HAHAH. OH! And what about that black guy from piedmont. Oh my, he was the entertainment for the night! HAHAHAHHA! I kept lookin' at him cause he was hella entertaining. But yeah..the night was over +bj asked his girl out after his performace! CUTEST SHIT. I give him props for that<3 We stayed there till 9 something and ayush was my ride home :) Went to go eat at wienershinitzel however tha' fxck you spell that haha and then left. I was the first to get dropped off cause my house was the closest. I was gonnna' sneak out and go out with everyone to wingstop after they were done with yfc, but i hellla knocked out+no one called, but it's cool. I woke up kinda dissapointed cause i rarely miss out on sneaking out with the guys...i guess you can say i don't wanna be replaced in any way nor neglected. I ain't trynna trip about it much so i'm off.








++I cleaned the WHOLE house today so i can go to dudu's dance off. I called my mom earlier to ask her but she didn't pick up. But she just called me like 5 secs ago and i asked, but she said idk yet, i'm busy and i'm going out tonight i'll call you back. I just said ok. So i'm kinda worried and hoping that she would let me go. PRAY FOR ME :) k, bye.

Hahah

i just taught my mom how to text :) yay....


++ i thought that having my dad gone would be bad because i wouldn't be able to go out as much, but i guess i was wrong. Mama's more chill when it comes to me going out now since papa and her don't have to fight. Double yay. <333

Laramie

project play wasn't even that good. Since it was my first play and all i was excited for it, but idk it just wasn't as what i was expecting it to be. Likeee, i thought there was gonna be a blood and like a person that was actually Matthew Shephard tied onto the fence showing us how he was dying. But NO, it was nothing like that. It was basiclly a docu. Shoot i coulda' just read articles about that! Instead of wasting $7 just to see it, but whatever it's fine..because i gotta do a portfolio about it for FH&O anyways. School was alright, but my favorite of the day was cutting 6th to go shopping for robs birthday stuff. Whip cream & 'cutie' ice cream sandwhiches+something gay candy from spencers & the pink ballon w/stolen stickers from party city and the names written on them with my eyeliner -_- btw, thanks kevin for ruining my eyeliner. HAHA! Ayush, Jan, & kevin cut also. 6th period went by hellllla fast. It's funny how in class time goes by hella slow, but when your out it goes by super fast! But yeah, we came after school a little bit late & i missed the class yearbook picture ;/ but it's whatever b/c it was worth it. I heared that everyone that was in it had to have the class t-shirt which i did in my locker, but by the time we came back they already took the picture. It's coooool. So anyways...after school..oh! We whipped cream robert. :) Like hella hella hella. Hahha The 4 of us [ayush, kevin, jan & i] each got one so we all sprayed him. That was fun. Bea's baby was also at school+bea!<3 Oh god i hella miss her. So we chilled for a little bit & jessica was supposed to pick me up around 4:30ish. somewhere around there. Well soo...everyone left and i was still there with allen and daniel. I had allen wait with me and daniel :) Haha and so he did. Mama J. took forevva! And i got mad for like less then 5 mins and i got over it. She explained to me when she got to my house and it was done with. Hahaha, i also left the phone in my room and i was in the living room eating. I got 6 missed calls. Damnit, i hate it when that happens. I have my phone with my and no one calls or texts & then when i DON'T have it people call or text me!? What thee, hahaha whateverrr. Ok so yeah i returned them calls and jessica was outside waiting in her car. I called ayush back and he said he was picking me up for chipotle for robs birthday. Picked me up and met everyone else there. Allen, nicole & meghan were already in the car. So we got to Chipotle and everyone wasn't all there yet. Chillled for a bit and more started coming. Not everyoneee came, but it was pretty chill. I didn't eat so i just sat there talking. Time went by pretty fast tho' Meghan and i walked to Forever21 and just browsed. I hellla miss her too<33 So anyways..uhm. Meghan and i got freee samples from see's candy :) Mmmhmm! But it was mint dark chocolate. And i hate dark chocolate, but it was pretty tasting. Nicole called and said we're gonna leave soon, so we walked back. Stayed for about 10 mmins? and left. Ayush+allen dropped meghan, nicole and i @ the high school because we were gonna watch the Laramie Project play..Met up with others later on. Then after the play jan,franshya and i camera whored and what not. Kevin was our ride home, but him and franshya were hungry, so we went to go eat. Pho Mai was our destination. Jan and i didn't eat so we got candy instead. The other 2 ate. I came home around 10:45 and i went to my moms room to let her know i was home. She found out i cut, but i gave her a good excuse. At first i was just gonna go in my room and not let her know, but i figured that it would make things worse so i just let her know :] Told her that i saw the lady that worked at pho mai that has been working there forever! and that the lady talked to me..then yeah. Now i'm home. Kevin uploaded all the pictures of me from today :) YAY. Hahaha. But i'm out. Piedmonts concert tomorrow!!! YAYAYYAYAY. Goodnight.<3

Winterballll

I'm not so sure i wanna go. I'm pretty low on money & idk if my mom will let because i came home to late the last time i went to a dance, which was homecoming. But dang, idk. IF i do go, i needa get a dress NOW. And i need flats cause i don't wanna wear heels at all. Hmm what else, oh and i think i wanna go by myself :) It's just pictures is what i want. Uhmmm, what else..oh! Robs birthdays tomorrow! Yay yay! And also the play+piedmonts concert is on friday! I'm excited. Du du's dance off also. Woooo! I'm off to wal-mart (= i want a new bag. Hahah +some more sweats and a sweaters. GOOOD DAY.

Whyy

crush on someone when they're already diggin' someone else? I'm over it. I don't wanna waste my time.

Exactly

like my away message. So just 5 mins ago my mom was hella yelling at me. At first she came into my room asking me to give her another massage because she had a runny nose. the first massage i gave her was a good talk. We talked about my dad and what not. But the 2nd time she came in around 12:something. I thought she said she was going to sleep? But i guess not. & since my dad left she thinks she came come in and out of her room because she can't wake him up anymore. Fxcccckkk, that's whack. But uhm she came into my room and i massaged her neck and her head. I left kevin on the phone still. And my mom was already buggin' me since she came home. Shit, then like her hair was getting tangled and i didn't know so i pulled my hand out of her hair and it pulled her hair+head and she got heated. And started yelling at me & added more shit too it, like going out with a lot of guys? WTF, are you stupid? did i not just tell you last night that that's who i mainly chill w/now? Fxcking idiot. You probably don't even listen when i tell you shit, what's the point of telling you? I really did wish that i would have those american type of relationships with their moms, but not my mom. Hell to the fxcking no. Forget that shit. She's stupid. I mean it could be my period making me hella pms and her too, but still. I don't wanna make that an excuse of why i'm irritated with her. I'm just irritated with her in general.



++
this whole k thing..idk what to do..you say you're growing feelings for me, like more, but then you make a blog about another girl? i don't get you at times, but who am i to judge? It's your life, like whoever you wanna like. Just don't mess with my emotions. Please&thanks.

Foool

don't trynna play me, cause i'm not the type//one to be playing games.

You

don't know how sad it is to have my mom make me type something like this to my dad through yahoo messenger.
Me:hi dad, mom wanted me to tell you that she has something important to tell you.
:she wanted to let you know that she's taking your name out of this house & telling the house agency that you have a new family, & that you're not living here anymore..well at least for 3 months.
:& that she said congratulations with your new wife+baby.



-fxck that shit duuude. you don't know how hard it is to know that my dad has a newborn babyBOY. Yeah i just found out today that it's a boy. Uhgggg, and my dad's still married! Stupid idiot. Whatev'. What am i supposed to do now? the baby's already born. I'm just glad it's not a girl, and even if it was I'M daddy's FIRST & ONLY daughter. :) And it's going to stay that way, no matter how many kids you have with that bitch.

Oh &

my dad left last night ;[ Shit, i was going to go to the game around 8:30 so that i could chill with my dad before he left, but i couldn't take it. I knew for a fact that i was going to cry once i said bye and everything..So i decided to go to the game early. My bus left at 7:18 so i left my house at 7:15. I went to my gramp's house which is right in front of mines[[funny i know]] and my dad was there. I came inside and i said bye dad, have fun, love you and gave him a kiss. Once i turned around i already started to tear up. I didn't want him to see me tearing up or anything so i left right away. And then when i was walking to the bus stop i was really really tearing up. I wasn't crying, but yeah. Idk if it'll be better that my dad is gone or it's sad? My mom says that they're always fighting cause of me so i guess it's a good thing that he's gone. But will i be going out more? Since my dad is gone i have no one to always say yes too when i ask for something. Crapola, damnit. But i mean, dad's gone now mom so there's no one to fight with when i'm gone at night. Shooot i don't even know! hopefully things will be better now that he's gone, besides mom always says that she likes it better when dads gone. How rude? Hahah whatevaaaa' mama. whatevaaa' makes you happy :)<3

The boys

are off to camp! But will be back tomorrow :) I can't wait to hear what happened && etc. So last night was the football game//senior night. Most of my friends were at yfc camp and i must say i missed a lot of them. I never really realized how attached i've grown to them. It made me realize last night that 'damn, it's their last year here. they're not even going to be here next year' it makes me wonderrr a lot how things are gonna be next year. Fxccccck, but i mean the girls! I feel like i'm growing close to them, which is good. I tend to be the only girl in my group that usually chills and now there's more! :) yay, but hmm, this blog is pointless. All i can say is next year is going to be different, tremondously different! But change is good right? Right. But i know f'sure i'm going to hellllllllllla miss them<3














+texting =)))) from 10:45-2:15 am. Damn that made my night. Although i did fall asleep at one point, but i woke up so it's fine :] Hahaha. Buuut the thing is i don't know if i want to get back to that..shoot. I got a lot of thinking to do!

I seem to like it

When i'm bussy. Or i try to be, but then i get that 'you go out to much' from my mama and then i'm screwed at home with nothing to do. But this week so far i've been doing something and i'm enjoying it. Better than coming home exactly 4 and then end up taking a long ass nap untill like 6 or 7. What a waste! And i'm really lagging on my grades too, the thought of hw just uhg! I don't even have words to explain. I don't like hw & i usually say i don't have any, but i say that mainly because i just don't like the thought of even having hw and then i actually got to do it at home. Shoot, ew. But anyways. Friday-my dads leaving ;/ & it's also senior night. So i don't think i'll be watching the senior parts or whatever at the game b/c i will be going late. Since my dad is leaving around 8-8:30. Damn, i can't believe he's leaving already... Alright so next week! Thurs-I'm going to watch the laramic project @ school. Seems pretty intense and interesting to me+it can count as a portfolio in FHAO class. Then Friday i'm going to Piedmonts concert thingy or at least i'm going to try. I gotta let my mom know ahead of time tho. Then Sat-is robs birthday! But i really doubt that i'm going to that b/ccc i have to babysit and what not. It's either i go late late at night or not go at all. But i at least wanna stop by for a bit, so i might just sneak out or something. And his house isn't far from my house at allll so maybe i'll just walk there. Hmm next week! I'm excited.

Sneaking out

Soo i'm pretty lazy to go into details about what happened on tuesday night. What i can tell you is that we're having another one like that on monday night! I'm exciteddd, yay yay. But anyways.
Last niiiiiiiight, i snuck out again.
FRIDAY-
And also friday. But come to think of it Friday was the easiest i've ever snuck out of this house. Since i didn't go to the football game i just stayed home. No point because i was in my room the whole time doing diddly squat. So i slept early. Thinking that i would sneak out later on anyways. Around 11:50ish allen calls me to go out. Next thing you know i'm up and gone just like that. It was hella easy. Everyone was already asleep cept for my brother, i don't even think he realized that i just left cause he was so caught up in playing maplestory. So i left and it was only daniel,ayush, and allen. I thought it was just us 4, but it's never just 4 people. Then we ended up meeting with the rest at in-n-out and amanda, twin, franshya were there! Along with the other boys, gerald, jon [which was a suprise to me cause he never sneaks out] kevin and robert. We sat there for a bit thinking of what to do. No one was going to eat there so we decided to go to burger kinggg. Some people ate and some people didn't. After burger king we went to Sierra. The view<33333 Then i think it was gerald that told jon to walk up the hill, but joking at the same time? Jon didn't take it as a joke obviously, so he walked up there. Then some of us followed. Some walked up in pairs, then as we were going down franshya and i were running down, then gerald decides to scare her! Which makes me throw her keys and she looses them. Spent about 20 mins or so looking for her keys IN THE DARK with no lights cept from our phone and the car headlights. Looking and looking, still no luck. We just told her to look for it another time, in the day light. So we left sierra and decided to go to fowler park? The one by evergreen. It was a nice park tho i must sayy, but it was hella cold and all the equipments were wet. Robert was on the babyswing and i pushed it and he fell+one of his leg got stuck, oops!<3 Haha! We all did our own thing for a little bit and twin and i talked. Bout the 2 K's. Interesttttingggg twin.. Hahahaha. Then we all gathered up and just talked about their years plans and their roadtrips together and what notttt. I'm hella going to miss the seniors tho, real talk. Then it was almost 4 and allen had to be home soon. Soo we all decided to leave. Got dropped off and it was 4:45ish? Somewhere around there, stayed up till 5. Went to sleep and my day was done.
SATURDAYY-
Last night i came home @ 5am this time. The longest i've stayed out so farr. My mom and pops fell asleep. My brother wasn't here. Earlier that night my dad locked the garage door. Acting like i was getting some water i unlocked it :) Hahah, i swear if my house had an alarm system my life would be fxcked. Shit. But anyyyywayys. Kevin and twin picked me up by the church. And it was just us 3 and i was wondering where everyone else was at. I guess ayush went to go pick up everyone else. We all met up at Mark's house. Since his parents weren't home we just chilllled there. Watched youtube videos and just relaxed. Eventually some of us got hungry and we didn't know where to eat that was open around 2am. We drove and someone said Dennys. So we went to dennys. Waited and waited and waited, then got to our seats. Talked and talked then ordered. Talked some more and ate. Finished eating and we didn't want to go home yet, so we went back to mark's house. Ayush and them dropped allen off, he had to be home before his mom woke up. :( He's usually the earliest one to leave. Booo. So we went back to marks's house and just chillled some more there. I got tired by then and i took a short nap on the couch. The others were talking about life. I could hear them. I remember gerald saying "Happiness is only for a while, Joy is for a lifetime." Something like that. Idk deeeep shit tho. Then we had to go cause yush had to return the car before his parents woke up.. Dropped one of ayush's car back at his house and used the car that i was in. We fit 5 people in the back. Hahhaha, it was alright tho cause angela lived pretty close by. So we dropped her off and then dropped kevin. Ayush drove from then on and we dropped franshya off. Gerald and then me. Daniel was last. I got home around 5. I wasn't that tired, but once i layed down my bed i just knocked out. I honestly love late night chill days tho. They're always fun.<3333 It's becoming to be an everyweekend typa' thing. Sometimes on weekdays, depending on what the drivers feel like doing. But shit! I can not wait for monday night. Gerald and Kevin have been researching some stuff about haunted schools and what not. FXCKKKK!
Oh! And i had some visitors today :) Since i was stuck at home all day i was hellla bored. Kevin and bj stopped by to chill for a bit. And ayush ended up coming over too. When my parents came home i thought my dad especially would trip, but he didn't.<3 Because they were guys and everything, but i guess he doesn't care. I thought my mom would be a distraction because she was going to cook but my dad came home first and he was on the phone and i overheard him saying something about going out to eat. So i guess my mom wasn't cooking anymore. My mom came home with fastfood for me from Kim Lee's<3 Mmmhmm! They left me alone and home, but i still had the guys over! +Jackjack. Bj was hellla entertained by jackjack earlier along with kevin. Haha daaang. But anyways, kevin wanted gauges i guess so all 3 of them went to the mall? But i'm guessing that ayush just went home. They came back and kevin didn't even buy them, he wants to save up to buy lights for his car noww. They left and i was home alone with jackjack, then about 10 mins or so jack got picked up. All alone now. Bored to death! I finished watching Ironman so i decided to watch White Chicks. While watching White Chicks Bj and Kevin came over again. They chilled untill 10ish and left. Went into my room finding something to do. Bored for alomst 2 hours and then that's when i snuck out. =))


++And i don't remember the first time i snuck out, but all i remember is that i was hella scared. I was shaking and nervous and kept thinking about my mom and if she would come into my room. But i know better. I wait until she sleeps, then i leave. Out of alll the days we've snuck out there was this one time where i was too tired to go. That was the ONLY time i didn't go. I think? Or the car was full. But idk something like that. I just love the fact that i'm a 'usual' when it comes to sneaking out<3 The mains are daniel, kevin, ayush, and allen+me. That's only if we're using 1 car, and we're just going out to eat and talk. But lately it's been more people coming with us and i love it.

Doesn't it

make you wonder? I think we would be pretty cute :) Hahha! I'm just saaaayin.
















+i'll tell about what happened last night later on, possibly tomorrow?
Reminder what it's about: Tuesday night, ghosthunting!

Update.

-Trust issues with my mama
-Realizing whose fake and real?
-Party @ kevins +halloween candy.
-Dad leavinggg+his gf and his new baby?
-K & K..
-Bfa and car rides from him.
-Problems at home?+babysitting
-Schoooool all together. Grades//friends//everything?






Trust issues with my mom.
Soo it pretty much started out with me coming home late like 1-2AM late. And i understand that she would be mad cause i turned off my phone and shit, but fxck mom start trusting me more. I was having a good time and i know my limits. On halloween night we were chilling at kevin's house and we ended off the night with scary storys from juan[ and i must say, he's fxcking legit!<3] but anyways you kept calling and i knew i was already in trouble and whatever, but i didn't know that you were gonna stay up untill i came home. So i came home around 1:45ish? Somewhere around there and i came home pretty quietly..my mom didn't notice that i came home so i pretty much got into my bed hella slowly. I was trying to sleep thinking that she would also fall asleep like that night i came home late from homecoming dance. But no, i heared her open her door and she was looking at my door to see if it was closed, but i left it open. And i turned my phone back on....so i fell asleep i guess and my mom calls me. FXCK, i didn't answer it tho' but after she called me 5 minutes later she came into my room and started softly yelling at me. Softly yelling because she didn't wanna wake my dad up and she has another side when it comes to my dad. So she was yelling at me on and off..she kept leaving my room and coming back in. She hit and slapped me on the head and shit but whatever, and she called me something in vietnamese that she's been calling me..Basiclly calling me a slut or a whore or some shit idk. And when my mom calls me shit like that it starts to bring me to tears b/c she doesn't know anything. She thinks she knows what i'm doing but she has no clue. Maybe she did some bad shit back in her days but that doesn't mean you should compare it to me and assume that i'm doing the same thing. I swear i know better..while and after she was yelling at me i started crying. She ALWAYS thinks that i'm doing something bad. I seriously think that she thinks i'm having sex. That's why she always calls me a slut or whatever. And it's the fact that all her friends call me a pretty girl and they expect so much out of me. It all gets to her. I can see it. In front of her friends she acts like we're perfect kids. We clean, we cook, we basiclly do everything now. But when they're all gone, she yells and my brother and i saying were bad kids. And we're no good and that she's never seen kids that don't listen to their parents and disrespect them as much as we do. WTF? Are you serious?! If you never had to yell so fxcking much and just listened then maybe i wouldn't go out so much. Or maybe if you let me go out w/out always having to call me telling me to go home i would come home early on my own just because i wanted too, not because you told me too. I love you mom, i really do. I'm sorry that i don't listen, but it's hard to talk to you because YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. I can't stand that you call me names like that. You say i'm doing shit behind your back, which is kinda true, but it's not bad stuff as in like drugs or some shit. I told you already i know better, you raised be better than that. I'm not having sex, i'm not drinking nor am i doing drugs. I'm just having fun with my friends. The natural way. And when i'm out i'm safe. Trust me. I wouldn't go out and hang out somewhere where i don't feel safe, i mean come on now mom. I mean, god, why can't you trust give me more trust, otherwise i wouldn't have to give you excuses and lie to you about where i'm going. If you just understood where i was going and why then idk, it would change things i guess. But no. I just gotta wait 2 more years and i'm out. I don't want to leave you, cause i mean you're my mama<3 But fxck i just need space. You're seriously just trying to trap me in this house. Because i babysit so much on the weekends i try and go out on the weekdays as much as possible. And the reason why i babysit is because of you. You need the money i know, but mom i'm grown now. I need money too. I'm not like a little kid anymore where you hold all of my money. Damn, i don't know. I just wish that one of these days we can seriously just open up. Talk about the rules in this house i guess, b/c honestly there are no rules. Or at least i don't follow any of them. Oh and did i say that when she was yelling at me she kept saying that she's gonna buy me a ticket and go to vietnam with my dad? Mmmhmm, you always say that. But would you really do it? I doubt it. You need me here.


The fake friends and the real.
All i can really say is that i know whose real and fake. I know who to trust and tell things to and i know who not to tell things too. Mmm it's not really me that has it, it's just others around me. I've grown to notice things about people on my own. I don't need someone to tell me shit about them. I mean whatever, tell me all you want but it's really up to me to judge them. And i know it's not right to judge, but that's how it works. You judge someone and you either want to learn more about them or you don't. And i really am the type of person that wants to learn everything about everyone. It's a good feeling knowing that you always have someone there. And when they can't be there for you, they'll make it up somehow. It's just like if someone isn't there for you, you have others. I'm just hella thankful for the friends i have now. I know that in the future we won't hang out as much because all of you guys will be busy with your lives and going to college, but i want to grow to love you guys. It's pretty much like a 'family' but to me i'm just part of the group. But only because i haven't been/hung out with you guys as long as the others. But still, just promise me that you guys will keep in touch. I'm gonna treat this year as like it was my senior year.


Kevin's house+halloween+football game.
So Halloween was pretty fun. I mean i didn't have hella hella hella fun, but i did have fun. But by the end of the night everything was worth it. but anyways, thinking of halloween kinda gets me sad. It makes me think a lot about how much we've grown. I remember trick-or-treating with my parents when we were younger and we got HELLA CANDY. Like i mean hella! I expect so much out of halloween because of my past. My parents went to go eat with some of the family and they invited my brother and i, but we didn't want to go because we wanted to go out with our friends. And i personally wanted to get hella candy. But like i said, mainly because i expect so much out of it. So my brother already left with his friends around 6:30. I stayed home untill 7 so that my parents can drop me at nob hill to meet up with twin. My twinny is angela :) Yay! I've always wanted a twin, sorta. Hahah. If you think about it, there's a lot of people that either have some similarities or they just remind of you someone. And i've heard that angela and i kinda look alike since freshman year. But i never really noticed it untill recently. But anyways. We wanted to get candy for a bit and hit up the football game to see who was there. After getting candy we walked to the high school. We really didn't get that much candy and it made me hellla sad. You don't know how much i love candy, i know it sounds stupid, but i pretty much grew up with candy. HAHAHAH! Mmm, nvm that does sound stupid. But i don't care :) So while walking to the football game it was like 8 something. Almost halftime. Angela and i just wanted to watch halftime then leave. Yush called me saying that he was gonna pick me up. Told him to pick me up at the high school and he said alright around 8:30. Twin and i were exactlly there for only 10 mins. Whatever i aint trippin. It started to rain anyways! So yay yush to the rescue. Picked twin and i up with minh and nicole in the car. Once we got to the house it was pretty much chillll. The night went on and there was a lot of dancing. Although i didn't dance a lot, cause idk. I wanted to, but i felt like it was akward for the guys because i hung out with them a lot. But s'kay i'm not really trippin...But school! Oh my goodness. I had a lot of fun just seeing people getting all dressed up and into halloween, but there were a lot of doubles. Like a lotttt of doubles. And i was really dissapointed in myself because i wasn't Hillary Banks for halloween. Fresh prince with Ayush, Kevin C. & Ruben would've been pretty coool. They won for Most Original. Yush was Will Smith//Kevin was Jazz// And Ruben was Uncle Phil. But anyways, MINH DO! Oh my fxcking goodness. Shits crazy, he helllla cracked me up. The whole fxcking day. But uhm yeah. That was halloween. Damn dude. That day was one of the best so far.<33333


Damn. My dad...
Where do i even start with my papa. I should really say that i don't care, but how can i not? I mena if mom is gonna say you have another child up in vietname then damn. Fxck it. Might as well just leave and go take care of you're new kid. I mean you even said so yourself that you're gonna leave us once we graduate. And that's not too long away from now. Think about it johnson only has 3 more years including this year and i only got 2. And helllooo, have you not realized that the year goes by HELLA FAST. But shit dad, how can you? how could you? I can care less that you've been cheating on my because eventually you end up coming back to us. But like to hear that you have a new born baby? How am i supposed to react to that. You're not even married to her! You're married to mom. Are you fxcking stupid? How are you gonna be in the babys life when you still have a wife and 2 kids. And don't you think that it's embarrasing that everyone of your family member knows that you have another child and that you've been cheating on mom since i was 7? I mean seriously dad... I'm immune to everything now, but i don't know about the baby. I'm glad that you're girlfriend doesn't live here because i swear uhg. Whatever. You're gone for about 3-4 months. You wouldn't dare leave us for a year or longer. Moms already tried kicking you out, but noooo. Shoot idk what it is but you're leaving in 2 more weeks. I don't know how to react to that because you've been here so long. But then again, i should be used to this. I mean life at home is pretty much simplier when you're gone. Well mom says so, because you don't have to bitch all the time. Shit tho, now that you're gonna be gone i'm thinking about how i can go out. Cause when mama says no i go to you and you say yes<3 But i don't remember if mom would still say yes to letting me go out because when i came home late she wouldn't care as much b/c you wouldn't bitch at her. I really think that's the main reason why she hesitates to let me go out at night..because you also worry. But iono...she worries more because she's a mama. Like khrystel said.. it's a mamas thing. But YOU dad. Idk what you are. It's sad to say, but you're a slut. When are you ever going to understand that the girls you date are just going for you for you're money. Not you and the love that you give, but the material things that you can provide because you live in america. All they really want are famous product well to vietnam it's famous. Or like not famous...but idk how to explaine. Such as things like Olay body wash or shooot, idk. Just shit like that. Now mom, johnson, and i love you for you. You're a dad and a husband. You provide greatful things for us. Why would you want to leave now? Mom says that she can't wait for you to leave sometimes, but i know she's lieing. She's happier when you're here. She's in love with you. Like seriously. That's why she's still with you. And because of johnson and i, but still dad. She would literally do everything and anything for you. Not like those other bitches that only use you. Remember when you were really sick? Like really really really sick. When you called them for comfort they wouldn't pick up. Nor help you. Now mom...she catered to you. Brough a docter home for you. Everything and anything to make you feel better. Mom hated seeing you in pain. Now you, i don't think it even matters to you. When you're here, it's about you're family. I see that in you. But when you're in vietnam, you can't even call us to let you know you're there. You don't call us to say hi and how are you or i miss you. The only time you call us is when you ask mom for more money..so that you can buy stuff for us, when you really don't. I'm sick of you're lies, but i love you too much to let them all slide. I let all you're lies and stupidy slide for the past 8 years. I'm not stupid. I know what you're doing. And i'm not a little girl anymore. You say you don't want me having a boyfriend untill i grad. COLLEGE?! Wtf, are you serious? Uhm, yeah right dad. Grow up. You know better.


K&K.
Aren't really important. Cept for one of them. I'm sorry that your papa has passed away recently. But you already know that i'm always here for you. Just don't lead me on like you did the last time. And you know you what you're doing. So if you don't think i'm gonna get hurt you're thinking wrong. Mmm, and other K. Shit idk. I think i'm going to stop. Or at least i want to stop. But i can't. I just keep thinking how things would be if we were to ever have something. Hmmm idk. S'wateverrrrr, for now.


BFA! Ayush!
This one is especially for you. You seriously have grown to be one of my guy best friends. And it bugs me that people assume that we're talking or some shit like that just because we're always together. Why can't people just understand that people can be hella close and have hang out instead of assuming that somethings going on? Let me tell everyone that ayush is one of my best friends. But seriously, it's just that recently i've noticed stuff. Like i don't know if you know, but i appreciate everything that you've done for me. The car rides that you give me, dude seriously tho' if it wasn't for you, i wouldn't have gone to half of the places that we all go to chill. Oh and late night sneak outs with others?! Like damn, hella fun. It's funny how i used to hate you back in freshman year cause you just bugged the shit out of me. But that's because i didn't know you. Or i didn't want to get to know you. Fxck dude, now that i think of it, i can't believe i had a class with you. And then all of a sudden we have a class together sophomore year 6th period bio and iono. We just got close! But yeah, idk. I just want you to know that i'm glad to have a friend like you. I know we fight a lot, but whatever. What kind of friendship would we have if we never fight?


Problems at home?
I wouldn't realllly say we have problems. But lately i don't eat with my parents at the table during dinner anymore. I always skip it and then eat by myself later on. It really does make me sad that i'm growing tho. It makes me feel like because i'm growing that i'm drifting from my parents. Especially my mom. Fxck. It scares me...But iono. And i thought that the more my brother and i get older that we would have less fights, but not even! We fight alll the fxcking time. Seriously. Idk whose fault it is, but i guess we both need to grow. More so him tho' I just hate that fact that he acts like he's older than i am. Just quit it already, shit. You may be bigger than i am, but that doesn't mean shit. Damn, my parents just had another argument just now..Quit asking mom for money dad. We know you save up, but you're just spending most of it to buy shit for your gf and baby.


&& School?
Mmmm, idk what to say about school. I just need to be more productive. Make and hang out with more friends. Schoooool is going by hella fast tho! Shooot.



So i think that's pretty much it for now. $$$$$ is a major problem in my life right now tho' Shit. Someone help me find a way to save up my money.

I don't know

what you think, but i think we got something. You call me at 4 in the morning just because you wanted to talk to me before you went to sleep & then you text me g'morning right when you woke up :) I don't know about youuu but that tells me something...oh that made me pretty happy. Actually you in general make me happy. I mean not allll the time because the stuff you say or do or even react to things, but still.... ♥