Update.

-Trust issues with my mama
-Realizing whose fake and real?
-Party @ kevins +halloween candy.
-Dad leavinggg+his gf and his new baby?
-K & K..
-Bfa and car rides from him.
-Problems at home?+babysitting
-Schoooool all together. Grades//friends//everything?






Trust issues with my mom.
Soo it pretty much started out with me coming home late like 1-2AM late. And i understand that she would be mad cause i turned off my phone and shit, but fxck mom start trusting me more. I was having a good time and i know my limits. On halloween night we were chilling at kevin's house and we ended off the night with scary storys from juan[ and i must say, he's fxcking legit!<3] but anyways you kept calling and i knew i was already in trouble and whatever, but i didn't know that you were gonna stay up untill i came home. So i came home around 1:45ish? Somewhere around there and i came home pretty quietly..my mom didn't notice that i came home so i pretty much got into my bed hella slowly. I was trying to sleep thinking that she would also fall asleep like that night i came home late from homecoming dance. But no, i heared her open her door and she was looking at my door to see if it was closed, but i left it open. And i turned my phone back on....so i fell asleep i guess and my mom calls me. FXCK, i didn't answer it tho' but after she called me 5 minutes later she came into my room and started softly yelling at me. Softly yelling because she didn't wanna wake my dad up and she has another side when it comes to my dad. So she was yelling at me on and off..she kept leaving my room and coming back in. She hit and slapped me on the head and shit but whatever, and she called me something in vietnamese that she's been calling me..Basiclly calling me a slut or a whore or some shit idk. And when my mom calls me shit like that it starts to bring me to tears b/c she doesn't know anything. She thinks she knows what i'm doing but she has no clue. Maybe she did some bad shit back in her days but that doesn't mean you should compare it to me and assume that i'm doing the same thing. I swear i know better..while and after she was yelling at me i started crying. She ALWAYS thinks that i'm doing something bad. I seriously think that she thinks i'm having sex. That's why she always calls me a slut or whatever. And it's the fact that all her friends call me a pretty girl and they expect so much out of me. It all gets to her. I can see it. In front of her friends she acts like we're perfect kids. We clean, we cook, we basiclly do everything now. But when they're all gone, she yells and my brother and i saying were bad kids. And we're no good and that she's never seen kids that don't listen to their parents and disrespect them as much as we do. WTF? Are you serious?! If you never had to yell so fxcking much and just listened then maybe i wouldn't go out so much. Or maybe if you let me go out w/out always having to call me telling me to go home i would come home early on my own just because i wanted too, not because you told me too. I love you mom, i really do. I'm sorry that i don't listen, but it's hard to talk to you because YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. I can't stand that you call me names like that. You say i'm doing shit behind your back, which is kinda true, but it's not bad stuff as in like drugs or some shit. I told you already i know better, you raised be better than that. I'm not having sex, i'm not drinking nor am i doing drugs. I'm just having fun with my friends. The natural way. And when i'm out i'm safe. Trust me. I wouldn't go out and hang out somewhere where i don't feel safe, i mean come on now mom. I mean, god, why can't you trust give me more trust, otherwise i wouldn't have to give you excuses and lie to you about where i'm going. If you just understood where i was going and why then idk, it would change things i guess. But no. I just gotta wait 2 more years and i'm out. I don't want to leave you, cause i mean you're my mama<3 But fxck i just need space. You're seriously just trying to trap me in this house. Because i babysit so much on the weekends i try and go out on the weekdays as much as possible. And the reason why i babysit is because of you. You need the money i know, but mom i'm grown now. I need money too. I'm not like a little kid anymore where you hold all of my money. Damn, i don't know. I just wish that one of these days we can seriously just open up. Talk about the rules in this house i guess, b/c honestly there are no rules. Or at least i don't follow any of them. Oh and did i say that when she was yelling at me she kept saying that she's gonna buy me a ticket and go to vietnam with my dad? Mmmhmm, you always say that. But would you really do it? I doubt it. You need me here.


The fake friends and the real.
All i can really say is that i know whose real and fake. I know who to trust and tell things to and i know who not to tell things too. Mmm it's not really me that has it, it's just others around me. I've grown to notice things about people on my own. I don't need someone to tell me shit about them. I mean whatever, tell me all you want but it's really up to me to judge them. And i know it's not right to judge, but that's how it works. You judge someone and you either want to learn more about them or you don't. And i really am the type of person that wants to learn everything about everyone. It's a good feeling knowing that you always have someone there. And when they can't be there for you, they'll make it up somehow. It's just like if someone isn't there for you, you have others. I'm just hella thankful for the friends i have now. I know that in the future we won't hang out as much because all of you guys will be busy with your lives and going to college, but i want to grow to love you guys. It's pretty much like a 'family' but to me i'm just part of the group. But only because i haven't been/hung out with you guys as long as the others. But still, just promise me that you guys will keep in touch. I'm gonna treat this year as like it was my senior year.


Kevin's house+halloween+football game.
So Halloween was pretty fun. I mean i didn't have hella hella hella fun, but i did have fun. But by the end of the night everything was worth it. but anyways, thinking of halloween kinda gets me sad. It makes me think a lot about how much we've grown. I remember trick-or-treating with my parents when we were younger and we got HELLA CANDY. Like i mean hella! I expect so much out of halloween because of my past. My parents went to go eat with some of the family and they invited my brother and i, but we didn't want to go because we wanted to go out with our friends. And i personally wanted to get hella candy. But like i said, mainly because i expect so much out of it. So my brother already left with his friends around 6:30. I stayed home untill 7 so that my parents can drop me at nob hill to meet up with twin. My twinny is angela :) Yay! I've always wanted a twin, sorta. Hahah. If you think about it, there's a lot of people that either have some similarities or they just remind of you someone. And i've heard that angela and i kinda look alike since freshman year. But i never really noticed it untill recently. But anyways. We wanted to get candy for a bit and hit up the football game to see who was there. After getting candy we walked to the high school. We really didn't get that much candy and it made me hellla sad. You don't know how much i love candy, i know it sounds stupid, but i pretty much grew up with candy. HAHAHAH! Mmm, nvm that does sound stupid. But i don't care :) So while walking to the football game it was like 8 something. Almost halftime. Angela and i just wanted to watch halftime then leave. Yush called me saying that he was gonna pick me up. Told him to pick me up at the high school and he said alright around 8:30. Twin and i were exactlly there for only 10 mins. Whatever i aint trippin. It started to rain anyways! So yay yush to the rescue. Picked twin and i up with minh and nicole in the car. Once we got to the house it was pretty much chillll. The night went on and there was a lot of dancing. Although i didn't dance a lot, cause idk. I wanted to, but i felt like it was akward for the guys because i hung out with them a lot. But s'kay i'm not really trippin...But school! Oh my goodness. I had a lot of fun just seeing people getting all dressed up and into halloween, but there were a lot of doubles. Like a lotttt of doubles. And i was really dissapointed in myself because i wasn't Hillary Banks for halloween. Fresh prince with Ayush, Kevin C. & Ruben would've been pretty coool. They won for Most Original. Yush was Will Smith//Kevin was Jazz// And Ruben was Uncle Phil. But anyways, MINH DO! Oh my fxcking goodness. Shits crazy, he helllla cracked me up. The whole fxcking day. But uhm yeah. That was halloween. Damn dude. That day was one of the best so far.<33333


Damn. My dad...
Where do i even start with my papa. I should really say that i don't care, but how can i not? I mena if mom is gonna say you have another child up in vietname then damn. Fxck it. Might as well just leave and go take care of you're new kid. I mean you even said so yourself that you're gonna leave us once we graduate. And that's not too long away from now. Think about it johnson only has 3 more years including this year and i only got 2. And helllooo, have you not realized that the year goes by HELLA FAST. But shit dad, how can you? how could you? I can care less that you've been cheating on my because eventually you end up coming back to us. But like to hear that you have a new born baby? How am i supposed to react to that. You're not even married to her! You're married to mom. Are you fxcking stupid? How are you gonna be in the babys life when you still have a wife and 2 kids. And don't you think that it's embarrasing that everyone of your family member knows that you have another child and that you've been cheating on mom since i was 7? I mean seriously dad... I'm immune to everything now, but i don't know about the baby. I'm glad that you're girlfriend doesn't live here because i swear uhg. Whatever. You're gone for about 3-4 months. You wouldn't dare leave us for a year or longer. Moms already tried kicking you out, but noooo. Shoot idk what it is but you're leaving in 2 more weeks. I don't know how to react to that because you've been here so long. But then again, i should be used to this. I mean life at home is pretty much simplier when you're gone. Well mom says so, because you don't have to bitch all the time. Shit tho, now that you're gonna be gone i'm thinking about how i can go out. Cause when mama says no i go to you and you say yes<3 But i don't remember if mom would still say yes to letting me go out because when i came home late she wouldn't care as much b/c you wouldn't bitch at her. I really think that's the main reason why she hesitates to let me go out at night..because you also worry. But iono...she worries more because she's a mama. Like khrystel said.. it's a mamas thing. But YOU dad. Idk what you are. It's sad to say, but you're a slut. When are you ever going to understand that the girls you date are just going for you for you're money. Not you and the love that you give, but the material things that you can provide because you live in america. All they really want are famous product well to vietnam it's famous. Or like not famous...but idk how to explaine. Such as things like Olay body wash or shooot, idk. Just shit like that. Now mom, johnson, and i love you for you. You're a dad and a husband. You provide greatful things for us. Why would you want to leave now? Mom says that she can't wait for you to leave sometimes, but i know she's lieing. She's happier when you're here. She's in love with you. Like seriously. That's why she's still with you. And because of johnson and i, but still dad. She would literally do everything and anything for you. Not like those other bitches that only use you. Remember when you were really sick? Like really really really sick. When you called them for comfort they wouldn't pick up. Nor help you. Now mom...she catered to you. Brough a docter home for you. Everything and anything to make you feel better. Mom hated seeing you in pain. Now you, i don't think it even matters to you. When you're here, it's about you're family. I see that in you. But when you're in vietnam, you can't even call us to let you know you're there. You don't call us to say hi and how are you or i miss you. The only time you call us is when you ask mom for more money..so that you can buy stuff for us, when you really don't. I'm sick of you're lies, but i love you too much to let them all slide. I let all you're lies and stupidy slide for the past 8 years. I'm not stupid. I know what you're doing. And i'm not a little girl anymore. You say you don't want me having a boyfriend untill i grad. COLLEGE?! Wtf, are you serious? Uhm, yeah right dad. Grow up. You know better.


K&K.
Aren't really important. Cept for one of them. I'm sorry that your papa has passed away recently. But you already know that i'm always here for you. Just don't lead me on like you did the last time. And you know you what you're doing. So if you don't think i'm gonna get hurt you're thinking wrong. Mmm, and other K. Shit idk. I think i'm going to stop. Or at least i want to stop. But i can't. I just keep thinking how things would be if we were to ever have something. Hmmm idk. S'wateverrrrr, for now.


BFA! Ayush!
This one is especially for you. You seriously have grown to be one of my guy best friends. And it bugs me that people assume that we're talking or some shit like that just because we're always together. Why can't people just understand that people can be hella close and have hang out instead of assuming that somethings going on? Let me tell everyone that ayush is one of my best friends. But seriously, it's just that recently i've noticed stuff. Like i don't know if you know, but i appreciate everything that you've done for me. The car rides that you give me, dude seriously tho' if it wasn't for you, i wouldn't have gone to half of the places that we all go to chill. Oh and late night sneak outs with others?! Like damn, hella fun. It's funny how i used to hate you back in freshman year cause you just bugged the shit out of me. But that's because i didn't know you. Or i didn't want to get to know you. Fxck dude, now that i think of it, i can't believe i had a class with you. And then all of a sudden we have a class together sophomore year 6th period bio and iono. We just got close! But yeah, idk. I just want you to know that i'm glad to have a friend like you. I know we fight a lot, but whatever. What kind of friendship would we have if we never fight?


Problems at home?
I wouldn't realllly say we have problems. But lately i don't eat with my parents at the table during dinner anymore. I always skip it and then eat by myself later on. It really does make me sad that i'm growing tho. It makes me feel like because i'm growing that i'm drifting from my parents. Especially my mom. Fxck. It scares me...But iono. And i thought that the more my brother and i get older that we would have less fights, but not even! We fight alll the fxcking time. Seriously. Idk whose fault it is, but i guess we both need to grow. More so him tho' I just hate that fact that he acts like he's older than i am. Just quit it already, shit. You may be bigger than i am, but that doesn't mean shit. Damn, my parents just had another argument just now..Quit asking mom for money dad. We know you save up, but you're just spending most of it to buy shit for your gf and baby.


&& School?
Mmmm, idk what to say about school. I just need to be more productive. Make and hang out with more friends. Schoooool is going by hella fast tho! Shooot.



So i think that's pretty much it for now. $$$$$ is a major problem in my life right now tho' Shit. Someone help me find a way to save up my money.